Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Bikini Blues

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This week puts me at six weeks out from one of the biggest things I have ever set out to do. It may seem silly to some people, but I haven’t set such a lofty goal for myself since graduating college. If you see me staring off into space chances are I am not thinking about my love life, but I am thinking about prepping for my competition. Or, I am thinking about food. Working hard, keeping a strong mental game… it’s consumed my every day life. For now. It’s not permanent and I am very glad to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and to resume a more normal life, but for now this is the most important thing I have going on.

I have had to make time to rest, I have had to say no to going out and doing things, I have had to sacrifice a lot… No one has asked me to do this, but I have chosen to do it. I am learning big lessons in self discipline and self control and I don’t think I ever would have learned them if I had not decided to enter this competition.

After a restful holiday weekend and getting back on track with getting good amounts of sleep, I want to hit on a few aspects I’ve been thinking about the past couple of weeks but honestly have been too tired to write about.

 

Food – (duh, of course this is gonna be first):

Some days I feel like Veruca Salt… “Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts…” Forget the golden goose and all that – just gimme all the sweets. I find myself perusing the aisles of my local shopping haunts just to lust after the packaged goods. I find myself thinking about what everything tastes like and the texture and the smell. I guess I am learning to appreciate my senses, right? I also have found myself wanting to eat things I never have before or didn’t think I would like, etc. I suppose it’s the whole “you can’t have this” so you want it philosophy.

In ways, it has gotten easier. But, in other ways it is getting extremely difficult. I am so close, but I have  deprived myself so long of certain things that I spend a lot of time thinking about eating anything and everything I can’t eat. It’s not really a good place to be – that’s why prep is temporary.

I have a few things that I am planning on enjoying… Part of my traveling posse is coming up the evening before I leave for Memphis to go grocery shopping with me for a few goodies. Right now I know the three things that are on my list:

Reeses

Brownie Batter Oreos

Pizza (remember, I’m having it shipped from Giordanos in Chicago. Yes, I am crazy.)

Oh, and a VENTI Starbucks. Immediately after the show is over. Gimme dat Sbux!

One of my friends going is also making me some type of decadent Reeses brownies so there’s that. I know I’m probably going to have a real bad tummy ache, so I am going to genuinely just try to have a few bites of each thing and not go crazy. I’ve read too many stories about post show rebound and I’m not wanting to experience that in any way.

I have learned so much and know enough that I am cautious but not worried about my eating habits post-show. I’m looking forward to setting new goals in the gym and eating to fuel my body.

The Whys:

Someone said to me recently, “Why a bikini competition? Do you really need to get in a bikini in front of a bunch of strangers to have them tell you you’re pretty? I can do that for you without you having to go to all that trouble.” WHUT. If anyone thinks I am doing this to be told I’m “pretty”, you really don’t know me and/or you really have no idea what a fitness competition entails.

First of all – I am a naturally very shy person. I’m an introvert (an INTJ for you Myers Briggs lovers) and it takes me awhile to come out of my shell with people. It takes a lot of time and me being comfortable. And, while I’m a lover of a good selfie and OOTD (outfit of the day) picture I don’t post a bunch of pictures of my body all over the internet, etc. That’s just not who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that, in my eyes, but I choose not to do that at this point.

This is not an ego stroke or a self esteem boost. I don’t know why anyone would put themselves through the literal hell, at times, of prep just to be told they’re pretty or they have a good body. Think about it. A normal competition prep is usually at least 12 weeks (I’ve been doing it longer), you are very restricted on food for the most part (carbs, anyone?), it’s expensive (suit, tan, shoes, jewelry, entry fees, membership fees, hotel, travel, gas, etc.), it’s isolating at times, you are in the gym at least 6 days a week and towards the end you are in there two or more times a day, and the hardest part… it’s a mental mind game. If you need to be told you’re pretty in a bikini, go throw one on and head down to your local bar. This is a fitness competition, not a who has the biggest … well, anyway.

I want to raise more awareness of what these competitions represent because I can understand what people think they are about… but it’s so much more than that. Even if I get up there and don’t place, I am getting up there to be judged on the work I have put in for hours. It’s a reflection of how strong I can be, how hard I have worked, how I have fallen down but gotten back up and tried again. I was very hurt when someone close to me told me they didn’t support me and believed what I was doing was not “Godly.” The Bible tells us our body is a temple – the Bible tells us not to be gluttons – Daniel fasted and ate only certain foods to draw closer to God. The Bible warns us against being drunkards, giving away our bodies, and defiling them. The Bible is full of examples of how important our physical bodies are to Christ. I have chosen to better my body that God gave me… it’s healthy, I have the ability to change it and to watch what I put inside of it – and far beyond the physical changes I have seen I have had so many more emotional and life changes because of this journey (more on that in another section).

This prep has taken everything out of me, twisted it around, put it back together, and is still hard every single day. I have learned so much about myself – I feel like I could do anything. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I have seen too many good things and really had to learn to trust God so much in these past few weeks that I can’t imagine it not being a spiritual journey as well as a physical one.

I never set out on my fitness path to do a bikini competition. That was never a thought – I didn’t even know what they were! I set out to be a better me, to get my body fit and in shape, and to change my life. The competition was a by-product of that and gave me a huge goal to set for myself in so many areas. Once the competition is over, I will continue to set new goals and train. This is just a slice of the pie. PIE! Food… see, it always happens.

The Negatives:

It’s really been interesting that the amount of negative things have almost completely gone away from outside sources. I think people who doubted my intentions or doubted I would follow through have since realized differently and they have either fallen by the wayside or they are supporting me 100%. I feel extremely fortunate to have the support system I do, but more on that later.

Obviously, negatives are I am tired and hungry. I hit a wall about a week ago with my sleep and was told by a few key people in my life right now that I had to sleep or I was going to do myself more harm than good. So, getting my sleep has been top priority for me behind training and hitting my macro goals.

Washing dishes?! Yes, this is stupid but for real… I can only wash so many more Tupperware containers. I don’t have a dishwasher and my manicures are suffering.

Going to the gym more than once a day. I think it’ll be fine to go more than once every now and then, maybe, but once prep is over… once a day will be juuuuuuuust fine.

I know by following IIFYM I can really eat “anything” as long as it fits in my macro count, but I have gotten to the place where I’ve really tried to cut out the treats and just save my “fun” macros for peanut butter or a Lenny and Larry’s cookie or something like that. I’m apprehensive of fitting too many donuts or Starbucks in at this point. That works for some people, but for this being my first show and for having some of the binge eating episodes I have had, I just want to really try and keep things locked down until the end.

That being said – it’s been very difficult to go to fun social events or go out of town and watch other people eat cupcakes or ice cream or snack all day and have to constantly refrain or say no. It’s wearing on me. But, the end is near…

The Positives:

I saved this for last because it’s my favorite. No one can tell me God has not has His hand completely in my life the past several months. From the emotional and mental changes to the physical… I know I wouldn’t have been able to come this far without relying on my God.

One of the goals my therapist set for me this summer was to get out and meet more people and try to make more friends. This isn’t something I’ve really elaborated on, but I feel like this just shows how things can work together. I’ve always been someone who waited until someone wanted to be friends with me first. I’ve never sought out relationships of any kind. Of course I could get down into the whys of this but that’s not something I’m touching on today. The point is since that conversation with her I have made more new friendships or really started to get to know people I didn’t know that well before. I have had more support from people that I never would have thought would have supported me or even knew who I was than I could ever have imagined.

I get daily text messages of encouragement from so many people or I will see someone out in town and they will say just the smallest bit of encouragement to me… they have no idea how I cling to these jewels right now. Those things get me through. They give me strength. That’s why I am such a proponent now of telling people things when you want to – don’t think “Oh, they’ve heard that. Oh, someone else is telling them that.” NO. Tell them. Encourage them. You have no idea if your words are the very ones that gets someone to make a better decision, or to turn away from something harmful, or just get them through another day.  

People will come up to my and ask me about what I’ve been doing, ask me questions about the competition. It’s become easier for me to start to come out of that shell I had around myself and engage with those around me. Partly because I feel completely comfortable with myself now but also because I realize that not everyone is out to get me or sabotage me and friendships and learning and growing through other people is a really wonderful, God given thing.

There are a couple of women in my life I have met recently that have become rocks in this journey and I know we will continue to develop friendships after October, but their advice and walking along beside me is sometimes the only thing that gets me through a day.

I have met so many awesome people and learned from them… They inspire me. The people I have met in the fitness industry and those who are heavily into this lifestyle are some of the nicest, most genuine, and kind people I have ever met in my life. I would have thought the opposite before I got into all of this, but I have found no jealousy, no competitive comments, no judgments… only lifting up, encouragement, help, advice, and complete acceptance.

People who were my friends but have since disappeared out of my life or laughed off my goals or admitted they feel I am competition to them… those are sad moments for me, but I realize those chapters are over. Some I have had to close myself and it’s not something the old Patty Lauren would have done. It would have killed me to shut doors completely, but I can do it now because I am strong and I am learning a little bit more what is and isn’t beneficial to my future.

People who I didn’t think would support me or maybe I have had bumpy moments with have stepped up, told me how proud they are of me, been incredibly supportive, genuinely interesting in what is going on… It just goes to show you really cannot judge how someone is going to react. Sometimes the very people we think will abandon us are the ones who give us those pep talks and bits of encouragement that we need.

—

Entering the home stretch… hard days are every day as I face temptations and challenges and try to keep focused, but no matter what… everything I have gained outweighs every sacrifice. Caitlin, my trainer, always tell me: “Finish strong!!” She’s full of good quotes but that is one of my favorites and one I have to keep reminding myself of.

Regardless of what came before or of what has yet to come, what matters most is how you choose to respond to the challenge in front of you. Will you lie down or will you fight? The choice is yours. Choose to Finish Strong! -Dan Green

Cold Turkey

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“Free cheese is always available in mousetraps.” – Unknown

Do you ever try to bargain with yourself? You know – “I’ll just have a small slice of this chocolate cake”, “I’ll just have one drink,” “I’ll go workout tomorrow.” We all have. Some of us are better bargainers than others. I’ve played that game with myself for years. Usually it’s where relationships are concerned. We all have our bargaining weak spots – relationships, food, working out, alcohol, etc. It’s a power play against our will and our weaknesses.

Recently I needed to stop at the grocery store to pickup 3 things: egg whites, tuna, and a sweet potato. I only had $3 in cash because I lost my debit card (more on that story coming another day – it involves running out of gas. Don’t ask.) so I was having to be very selective in my purchases. Somehow between the tuna and the egg whites my body found itself on this aisle:

IMG_4452

I think they purposely put this type of stuff on the end of the aisle so you can’t help but see it and stop when you walk by. Let me preface all this to say I don’t think I have EVER bought a whole package of Oreos to keep at my house. I don’t keep sweets in my house, period. Maybe some chocolate but that’s it. I enjoy baking and cooking but I’m not someone who has a snack cabinet or anything like that. However, s’mores are one of my favorite little treats ever (I went through a phase where I had one every night before bed) and I am extremely intrigued by these s’mores Oreos. I’m more of a Reeses gal myself, but these days anything and everything hydrogenated and sugary is looking reeeeeeal good.

You see, when you dial certain things down or completely out of your life sometimes there is this thing that rears its ugly head. That little thing is called temptation. Ah, yes. Whether it’s my body tempting me to eat a whole package of Oreos or my mind tempting me to sabotage my sanity, temptation is rampant. And, even more so when you are trying to be “good.” Whatever that means to you. The temptation is always 1,000% stronger and harder to fight when you are on the straight and narrow. This could apply to hundreds of things – pick your personal poison.

If you read Gone Girl you know I am following the IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) lifestyle right now. Love it. Could I eat a few Oreos and stay on track? Absolutely. Could I eat a few Oreos and stop there? Eeehhh. Not on this particular night. I would probably have bargained with myself and eaten way more than a few and then told myself I’d make it up some other way. I know myself pretty well these days and weak PL was looking at those s’mores Oreos like she looks at a new pair of high heels on sale.

So – I walked away. I said no. I didn’t bargain. Because, bargaining often leads to losing. I’ve come too far to tempt myself. Do I eat sweets? Of course. But, I stay within my macros. Am I going to do this forever? Probably not, but I have some super specific goals right now and I have worked far too hard and far too long to bargain my way into a few moments of pleasure. Because, isn’t that really what temptation and bargaining with ourselves is about? A few moments of pleasure for something that won’t last? Something that feels good in the moment but ultimately leaves us feeling empty and more broken than before?

Cutting bad things out of your life is never easy. Sometimes we try to keep “a little” bit to hang on to – because it feels good, because it’s comfortable, because we’re having a bad day and a “little bit” of our old life makes a feel a little better. Temporarily.

Unfortunately, the real temptations in life for most of us aren’t food but are things that are more damaging to our mental and emotional well being than our physical well being. They hurt our hearts and impede our growth. We take ten steps forward only to look back in a moment of weakness and wake up to find ourselves five steps backwards. For most of my adult life when I have found myself in these types of situations it has taken me a long time to finally get to the cold turkey point. I waver, I struggle, I bargain, and I “what if” and “maybe if” in my mind until I’m physically exhausted.

Once I get to the point of never looking back something always clicks inside of me. Once I’m done, I’m done. Are there moments of temptation? Absolutely. Are there moments of struggle? Yes. But, they get so much easier. Promise. It’s worth it – to not look back, to not give in, to stand your ground, to be strong – to find out who you REALLY are, not who you think you’re supposed to be.

When you’re tempted to go back “just a little” to something that you know you are going to have a difficult time picking yourself up from – run the other way. Remember why you have moved on. Remember why you started. Remember why you are stronger than you were before.

There are no “do-overs” in this life – don’t waste your days on weakness. You are stronger than you could ever imagine if you just remember to not give up, give in, or give out.

Welcome to Moonshine & Wanderlust!

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Started in November of 2013, my blog has finally found its permanent home… I am so excited to share it with you! I have worked on getting everything just right for the site’s launch in hopes of making this blog the most user friendly and inviting place to read!

A lifestyle blog, Moonshine & Wanderlust will be a place to read about travel, local reviews, home life, and style   – all with a touch of southern charm. For a more in depth read, check about the About Me page!

Without further ado… enjoy!

love,

patty lauren

St. Simons Island

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What happens when you finally stop waiting for life to happen? There is a big backstory to this trip that I want to get into at some point, but for now… Just the fun stuff.

“Oh, a seven hour car ride won’t be that bad!” … That’s what I thought when I first planned my vacation this year. And, in reality, it’s not bad, but it’s not good either. The first four hours went by pretty quickly but my back started to contort and mishaps on me the last three. Grace Kelly (my dog) is great company and all, but the poor girl can’t speak so that’s a real drag sometimes.

Alas, we arrived in St. Simons last night about an hour later than expected because of a traffic jam outside of Atlanta. Still, it was early and I hadn’t eaten anything but stocking stuffer trail mix so I went out in search of some food. I settled on Southern Soul Barbeque – the restaurant was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives, close to the resort, and what southern girl doesn’t like some BBQ on a Thursday night? The restaurant is settled back off of the road, wooden picnic benches wait for patrons under a large overhang… Colored lights and nostalgic memorabilia decorate the unassuming inside. It was one of those places you know is going to be good before you taste anything. Their BBQ was tender and had its own flavor instead of being smoked to death and coming back to haunt me for the next 12 hours. Their mac and cheese was some of the best I’ve ever had – somehow they manage to put these decadent swirls of creamy cheese into the mix without it being overpowering or sickening. They have their own special selection of sauces ranging from sweet and savor to hot and spicy. I settled on the Sweet Georgia sauce – it’s tomato based, but very reminiscent of a honey mustard. It was sweet, but strong. I’m making myself hungry again… I would highly recommend checking Southern Soul if you get down to the area.

Today has been a little bit of an adventure. Those little crazy things that always seem to happen to only me made sure to pop up in the day. When I first booked the hotel, of course I was sure Grace Kelly would be welcomed and it would be a good fit for us to stay and for her to be out on the beach, etc. What I didn’t expect was the whole town seems to be extremely dog friendly. I’ve seen more people with dogs than with children. So, I haven’t done a post about my dog but here is what you need to know: I’m obsessed. She has her own Instagram (IG: gracekellythecavalier), she goes everywhere with me… Typical crazy dog lady stuff. Anyway, I digress. So, I go downtown today to the St. Simons Pier area that also is home to their lighthouse museum. There is a park overlooking the ocean, mossy trees to be climbed, and two rows of shops and restaurants. The first shop we went into, Ronne’s, was very welcoming to us and let us know all of the shops were dog friendly. The shop keeper suggested a couple of restaurants for us to try as well. Everyone I talked to was so welcoming and kind and just loved all over Grace Kelly – it made visiting all of the shops very relaxing and enjoyable.

Okay, so the crazy stuff. The downtown area has a strip of shops that are essentially tiny little beach cottages… There are probably 8 or so of them on a porch. Very cute. I had checked them out and stepped off the last porch step and called for Grace Kelly to follow me because I could tell she wasn’t walking behind me. I turn around to see her dangling by her NECK off this porch. God knows how this stuff happens, but I about lost it. I had a dog die that way when I was a kid – don’t ask, it was traumatic as you can imagine. Somehow she had managed to get her leash wrapped at the top of the step and then did this Kung Fu Panda maneuver that rendered her hangman style. It was something out of a movie with her little body hanging at least a foot off the ground… I’ve never moved so fast in my life. Maybe my dog is depressed and she did it one purpose… We’ll never know.

I decided to check out one of the suggested restaurants, the 4th of May, on the corner of the strip. All of the restaurants have outdoor seating which works out great when you travel with your pet. The waitress suggested the Fried Green Tomato BLT… is it weird I’ve lived in the south my whole life and never have eaten a fried green tomato until today? What have I been missing!? That sandwich was probably one of the best things I have ever eaten… Ever. The breading couldn’t have been more perfect – it was thin and crisp… It held the tomatoes perfectly… Not messy or soggy or overly juicy. The bacon was thick and crisp. They added the right touch of mayo – just enough to give some flavor instead of swimming in it and dark, leafy lettuce instead of a cheap slice of iceberg. It was decadent for a great little southern style sandwich. I ate half and took the rest with me… Which would have made the perfect dinner except for what happened next. I’m at a crosswalk… waiting… I’ve got a take out box, Grace Kelly’s leash, and a small bag in my hands. This doesn’t sound complicated, right? Right… It wasn’t, until the wind decided to be a show off and literally take the box out of my hand. And, that wasn’t embarrassing enough as all these cars are sitting at the intersection. No, then the box has to open in mid air and my sandwich comes flying out and smacks the pavement – sending bacon and a fried green tomato to their gravely deaths. I was pissed because my sandwich was gone, but I was also saw people staring at me with their mouths hanging open at what had transpired. I should have just walked away, but no, I had to run out into the middle of the road and PICK UP THE SANDWICH and the box. I couldn’t leave it there… So here I am, scrounging the remnants of my food off the road and dragging Grace Kelly behind me while I do it. Thank God there was a trash can next to me so I could pitch my mess and move on and not look anyone in the eye.

… I don’t know what I will do tomorrow, but I wish for no more spilled food or the attempted suicide of my dog.