Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Bikini Blues

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This week puts me at six weeks out from one of the biggest things I have ever set out to do. It may seem silly to some people, but I haven’t set such a lofty goal for myself since graduating college. If you see me staring off into space chances are I am not thinking about my love life, but I am thinking about prepping for my competition. Or, I am thinking about food. Working hard, keeping a strong mental game… it’s consumed my every day life. For now. It’s not permanent and I am very glad to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and to resume a more normal life, but for now this is the most important thing I have going on.

I have had to make time to rest, I have had to say no to going out and doing things, I have had to sacrifice a lot… No one has asked me to do this, but I have chosen to do it. I am learning big lessons in self discipline and self control and I don’t think I ever would have learned them if I had not decided to enter this competition.

After a restful holiday weekend and getting back on track with getting good amounts of sleep, I want to hit on a few aspects I’ve been thinking about the past couple of weeks but honestly have been too tired to write about.

 

Food – (duh, of course this is gonna be first):

Some days I feel like Veruca Salt… “Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts…” Forget the golden goose and all that – just gimme all the sweets. I find myself perusing the aisles of my local shopping haunts just to lust after the packaged goods. I find myself thinking about what everything tastes like and the texture and the smell. I guess I am learning to appreciate my senses, right? I also have found myself wanting to eat things I never have before or didn’t think I would like, etc. I suppose it’s the whole “you can’t have this” so you want it philosophy.

In ways, it has gotten easier. But, in other ways it is getting extremely difficult. I am so close, but I have  deprived myself so long of certain things that I spend a lot of time thinking about eating anything and everything I can’t eat. It’s not really a good place to be – that’s why prep is temporary.

I have a few things that I am planning on enjoying… Part of my traveling posse is coming up the evening before I leave for Memphis to go grocery shopping with me for a few goodies. Right now I know the three things that are on my list:

Reeses

Brownie Batter Oreos

Pizza (remember, I’m having it shipped from Giordanos in Chicago. Yes, I am crazy.)

Oh, and a VENTI Starbucks. Immediately after the show is over. Gimme dat Sbux!

One of my friends going is also making me some type of decadent Reeses brownies so there’s that. I know I’m probably going to have a real bad tummy ache, so I am going to genuinely just try to have a few bites of each thing and not go crazy. I’ve read too many stories about post show rebound and I’m not wanting to experience that in any way.

I have learned so much and know enough that I am cautious but not worried about my eating habits post-show. I’m looking forward to setting new goals in the gym and eating to fuel my body.

The Whys:

Someone said to me recently, “Why a bikini competition? Do you really need to get in a bikini in front of a bunch of strangers to have them tell you you’re pretty? I can do that for you without you having to go to all that trouble.” WHUT. If anyone thinks I am doing this to be told I’m “pretty”, you really don’t know me and/or you really have no idea what a fitness competition entails.

First of all – I am a naturally very shy person. I’m an introvert (an INTJ for you Myers Briggs lovers) and it takes me awhile to come out of my shell with people. It takes a lot of time and me being comfortable. And, while I’m a lover of a good selfie and OOTD (outfit of the day) picture I don’t post a bunch of pictures of my body all over the internet, etc. That’s just not who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that, in my eyes, but I choose not to do that at this point.

This is not an ego stroke or a self esteem boost. I don’t know why anyone would put themselves through the literal hell, at times, of prep just to be told they’re pretty or they have a good body. Think about it. A normal competition prep is usually at least 12 weeks (I’ve been doing it longer), you are very restricted on food for the most part (carbs, anyone?), it’s expensive (suit, tan, shoes, jewelry, entry fees, membership fees, hotel, travel, gas, etc.), it’s isolating at times, you are in the gym at least 6 days a week and towards the end you are in there two or more times a day, and the hardest part… it’s a mental mind game. If you need to be told you’re pretty in a bikini, go throw one on and head down to your local bar. This is a fitness competition, not a who has the biggest … well, anyway.

I want to raise more awareness of what these competitions represent because I can understand what people think they are about… but it’s so much more than that. Even if I get up there and don’t place, I am getting up there to be judged on the work I have put in for hours. It’s a reflection of how strong I can be, how hard I have worked, how I have fallen down but gotten back up and tried again. I was very hurt when someone close to me told me they didn’t support me and believed what I was doing was not “Godly.” The Bible tells us our body is a temple – the Bible tells us not to be gluttons – Daniel fasted and ate only certain foods to draw closer to God. The Bible warns us against being drunkards, giving away our bodies, and defiling them. The Bible is full of examples of how important our physical bodies are to Christ. I have chosen to better my body that God gave me… it’s healthy, I have the ability to change it and to watch what I put inside of it – and far beyond the physical changes I have seen I have had so many more emotional and life changes because of this journey (more on that in another section).

This prep has taken everything out of me, twisted it around, put it back together, and is still hard every single day. I have learned so much about myself – I feel like I could do anything. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I have seen too many good things and really had to learn to trust God so much in these past few weeks that I can’t imagine it not being a spiritual journey as well as a physical one.

I never set out on my fitness path to do a bikini competition. That was never a thought – I didn’t even know what they were! I set out to be a better me, to get my body fit and in shape, and to change my life. The competition was a by-product of that and gave me a huge goal to set for myself in so many areas. Once the competition is over, I will continue to set new goals and train. This is just a slice of the pie. PIE! Food… see, it always happens.

The Negatives:

It’s really been interesting that the amount of negative things have almost completely gone away from outside sources. I think people who doubted my intentions or doubted I would follow through have since realized differently and they have either fallen by the wayside or they are supporting me 100%. I feel extremely fortunate to have the support system I do, but more on that later.

Obviously, negatives are I am tired and hungry. I hit a wall about a week ago with my sleep and was told by a few key people in my life right now that I had to sleep or I was going to do myself more harm than good. So, getting my sleep has been top priority for me behind training and hitting my macro goals.

Washing dishes?! Yes, this is stupid but for real… I can only wash so many more Tupperware containers. I don’t have a dishwasher and my manicures are suffering.

Going to the gym more than once a day. I think it’ll be fine to go more than once every now and then, maybe, but once prep is over… once a day will be juuuuuuuust fine.

I know by following IIFYM I can really eat “anything” as long as it fits in my macro count, but I have gotten to the place where I’ve really tried to cut out the treats and just save my “fun” macros for peanut butter or a Lenny and Larry’s cookie or something like that. I’m apprehensive of fitting too many donuts or Starbucks in at this point. That works for some people, but for this being my first show and for having some of the binge eating episodes I have had, I just want to really try and keep things locked down until the end.

That being said – it’s been very difficult to go to fun social events or go out of town and watch other people eat cupcakes or ice cream or snack all day and have to constantly refrain or say no. It’s wearing on me. But, the end is near…

The Positives:

I saved this for last because it’s my favorite. No one can tell me God has not has His hand completely in my life the past several months. From the emotional and mental changes to the physical… I know I wouldn’t have been able to come this far without relying on my God.

One of the goals my therapist set for me this summer was to get out and meet more people and try to make more friends. This isn’t something I’ve really elaborated on, but I feel like this just shows how things can work together. I’ve always been someone who waited until someone wanted to be friends with me first. I’ve never sought out relationships of any kind. Of course I could get down into the whys of this but that’s not something I’m touching on today. The point is since that conversation with her I have made more new friendships or really started to get to know people I didn’t know that well before. I have had more support from people that I never would have thought would have supported me or even knew who I was than I could ever have imagined.

I get daily text messages of encouragement from so many people or I will see someone out in town and they will say just the smallest bit of encouragement to me… they have no idea how I cling to these jewels right now. Those things get me through. They give me strength. That’s why I am such a proponent now of telling people things when you want to – don’t think “Oh, they’ve heard that. Oh, someone else is telling them that.” NO. Tell them. Encourage them. You have no idea if your words are the very ones that gets someone to make a better decision, or to turn away from something harmful, or just get them through another day.  

People will come up to my and ask me about what I’ve been doing, ask me questions about the competition. It’s become easier for me to start to come out of that shell I had around myself and engage with those around me. Partly because I feel completely comfortable with myself now but also because I realize that not everyone is out to get me or sabotage me and friendships and learning and growing through other people is a really wonderful, God given thing.

There are a couple of women in my life I have met recently that have become rocks in this journey and I know we will continue to develop friendships after October, but their advice and walking along beside me is sometimes the only thing that gets me through a day.

I have met so many awesome people and learned from them… They inspire me. The people I have met in the fitness industry and those who are heavily into this lifestyle are some of the nicest, most genuine, and kind people I have ever met in my life. I would have thought the opposite before I got into all of this, but I have found no jealousy, no competitive comments, no judgments… only lifting up, encouragement, help, advice, and complete acceptance.

People who were my friends but have since disappeared out of my life or laughed off my goals or admitted they feel I am competition to them… those are sad moments for me, but I realize those chapters are over. Some I have had to close myself and it’s not something the old Patty Lauren would have done. It would have killed me to shut doors completely, but I can do it now because I am strong and I am learning a little bit more what is and isn’t beneficial to my future.

People who I didn’t think would support me or maybe I have had bumpy moments with have stepped up, told me how proud they are of me, been incredibly supportive, genuinely interesting in what is going on… It just goes to show you really cannot judge how someone is going to react. Sometimes the very people we think will abandon us are the ones who give us those pep talks and bits of encouragement that we need.

—

Entering the home stretch… hard days are every day as I face temptations and challenges and try to keep focused, but no matter what… everything I have gained outweighs every sacrifice. Caitlin, my trainer, always tell me: “Finish strong!!” She’s full of good quotes but that is one of my favorites and one I have to keep reminding myself of.

Regardless of what came before or of what has yet to come, what matters most is how you choose to respond to the challenge in front of you. Will you lie down or will you fight? The choice is yours. Choose to Finish Strong! -Dan Green

I’m Doing a What???

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If you have read my blog any the past few months you may remember reading about me saying I had set some pretty big goals for myself. Or, if you follow me on Instagram you may have seen a few hashtags about bikinis and competition and prep. A few of you reading this already know what I am talking about and I am finally ready to share what all this craziness has been about with everyone else. A few months ago I decided to compete in a fitness competition. If you knew the old me you are probably thinking I have really lost my mind. This is so far from my comfort zone it ain’t even funny. But, hey, I’m doing it!

When someone first suggested it to me, I said, “Noooooo not meeeeee. Das not for me.” Because when I thought of a fitness competition I thought about some super ripped up woman about twice my size and the color of a nice mahogany table passed down for several generations. However, the world of competing has progressed significantly from what I remember seeing as a kid and there are now several different types of divisions. For me, I chose to be a bikini competitor.

What does being a bikini competitor mean? Well, the top 5 girls out of each class place. The open classes are divided up by height and there is also a novice (first timer) class. I’ll be competing in both a novice class and an open class for my height. The competitors in bikini divisions are judged on their “proportion, symmetry, balance, shape and skin tone.” It also means getting up in front of lots and lots of people in a really tiny bikini. A very expensive, tiny bikini that will be glued on to my skin.

My Dad is SUPER excited I’ll be on a stage in dental floss. But, for real… he’s proud of me. He’ll just show up with a big black garbage bag to wrap me up in afterwards, I’m sure. It’s gonna be fun times.

Why a bikini competition? Because I wanted to do something so huge it scared me. I wanted to push myself and push my body and push my mental state (which actually is way harder than the physical part – just FYI). I wanted to do something so far outside of what I was comfortable with because I want to GROW. I may do this once and never do it again. Or, maybe I’ll find a new hobby. That’s not the point. And, while I am learning as the weeks get closer I am really eyeing a trophy, I will be okay if I don’t place. Because, just doing this will be a huge accomplishment and something I will never forget.

And, while this is for me I have also learned it’s not just about me. It’s about my family who have been so supportive of this crazy idea, my friends who text me every day encouragements and pump me up and give me crazy nicknames and promise me Reeses and listen to me talk about what I’m going to eat after the competition is over, it’s about the phenomenal women I have met who are going through the same thing or have already been through a competition and have become my friends, it’s about the friends I have made through this whole journey and while they tell me I have inspired them they have no idea how they inspire me. It’s about learning my limits, my weaknesses, my strengths. And, it’s about all the thanks I will be able to give to people who have supported me and put up with my cranky, hungry butt… especially on those low carb days when I feel half human. And, all the people who have had to deal with me heating up fish at work for the past four months.

Since this is all out in the open now I am going to probably be writing quite a bit about the competition. I am excited but super nervous right now. I have a lot of work to do between now and then. This week I am officially 10 weeks out from the competition date. 10 WEEKS!!!

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So what is happening in the next 10 weeks? Well, as you know, I have received my lucite stripper heels… I’m sorry, “competition footwear”. Which will, obviously, be the easiest part of this whole deal because anyone who knows me knows I already walk around in 5″ stilettos most days anyway. I’ll be ordering my custom bikini soon (anyone wanna guess what color it is?!), paying for posing lessons, eating my life away in protein, counting macros all the day long, doing cardio 4-5 days a week (which I’ve already been doing for awhile) along with my daily lifting, drinking almost 2 gallons of water a day, trying to get plenty of sleep, and trying not to go crazy. Part of competition prep is leaning out, which means… yep, all those new clothes I just bought in the smallest size known to man will probably not fit. But, that part will be temporary. I’ll slowly work my way back up, after the competition, to where I am now weight wise. So, cue the “you look sick” comments now but just remember it’s not permanent and I have a lot of help in doing what I’m doing. Part of the reason I have picked up extra work hours (besides keeping my mind busy) is to help with competition costs. Once you add up your “apparel”, hair/nails/makeup, travel costs, food, posing lessons, a $100 spray tan (yes, you read that right), and any other extras it gets to be a little pricey. I’m planning on doing a lot of things on my own like my hair and makeup, etc. but there are some things I just have to bite the bullet on and spend the money.

But, the real excitement will be the pizza I am ordering from Giordano’s in Chicago to be shipped to my front door to devour after competition day. Yes, I am ordering pizza from Chicago. And, it will be epic. Oh, and probably the largest sweet tea from Chick-fil-A with extra extra ice. Yeeeeeaaahhhh buddy!

While the pizza will be exciting, I am really excited to do this and have the support of my loved ones. This has kind of become a group effort and to me that is really cool. Aside from graduating high school and college I haven’t done anything that has been a goal I’ve worked at for awhile. And, I didn’t really get to share my graduations with a lot of people so this competition is way more than just a competition – it’s a huge moment in my life that I get to share with the people I care about the most.

Hopefully I will get to celebrate a placement but even if I don’t, I will have come so far and done so much and had the best support system and really, what else could any of us ask for when we are going through life?

So, here’s to stripper heels, tiny bikinis, and a whole lotta crazy…

      until next time, xoxo… patty lauren

Cold Turkey

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“Free cheese is always available in mousetraps.” – Unknown

Do you ever try to bargain with yourself? You know – “I’ll just have a small slice of this chocolate cake”, “I’ll just have one drink,” “I’ll go workout tomorrow.” We all have. Some of us are better bargainers than others. I’ve played that game with myself for years. Usually it’s where relationships are concerned. We all have our bargaining weak spots – relationships, food, working out, alcohol, etc. It’s a power play against our will and our weaknesses.

Recently I needed to stop at the grocery store to pickup 3 things: egg whites, tuna, and a sweet potato. I only had $3 in cash because I lost my debit card (more on that story coming another day – it involves running out of gas. Don’t ask.) so I was having to be very selective in my purchases. Somehow between the tuna and the egg whites my body found itself on this aisle:

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I think they purposely put this type of stuff on the end of the aisle so you can’t help but see it and stop when you walk by. Let me preface all this to say I don’t think I have EVER bought a whole package of Oreos to keep at my house. I don’t keep sweets in my house, period. Maybe some chocolate but that’s it. I enjoy baking and cooking but I’m not someone who has a snack cabinet or anything like that. However, s’mores are one of my favorite little treats ever (I went through a phase where I had one every night before bed) and I am extremely intrigued by these s’mores Oreos. I’m more of a Reeses gal myself, but these days anything and everything hydrogenated and sugary is looking reeeeeeal good.

You see, when you dial certain things down or completely out of your life sometimes there is this thing that rears its ugly head. That little thing is called temptation. Ah, yes. Whether it’s my body tempting me to eat a whole package of Oreos or my mind tempting me to sabotage my sanity, temptation is rampant. And, even more so when you are trying to be “good.” Whatever that means to you. The temptation is always 1,000% stronger and harder to fight when you are on the straight and narrow. This could apply to hundreds of things – pick your personal poison.

If you read Gone Girl you know I am following the IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) lifestyle right now. Love it. Could I eat a few Oreos and stay on track? Absolutely. Could I eat a few Oreos and stop there? Eeehhh. Not on this particular night. I would probably have bargained with myself and eaten way more than a few and then told myself I’d make it up some other way. I know myself pretty well these days and weak PL was looking at those s’mores Oreos like she looks at a new pair of high heels on sale.

So – I walked away. I said no. I didn’t bargain. Because, bargaining often leads to losing. I’ve come too far to tempt myself. Do I eat sweets? Of course. But, I stay within my macros. Am I going to do this forever? Probably not, but I have some super specific goals right now and I have worked far too hard and far too long to bargain my way into a few moments of pleasure. Because, isn’t that really what temptation and bargaining with ourselves is about? A few moments of pleasure for something that won’t last? Something that feels good in the moment but ultimately leaves us feeling empty and more broken than before?

Cutting bad things out of your life is never easy. Sometimes we try to keep “a little” bit to hang on to – because it feels good, because it’s comfortable, because we’re having a bad day and a “little bit” of our old life makes a feel a little better. Temporarily.

Unfortunately, the real temptations in life for most of us aren’t food but are things that are more damaging to our mental and emotional well being than our physical well being. They hurt our hearts and impede our growth. We take ten steps forward only to look back in a moment of weakness and wake up to find ourselves five steps backwards. For most of my adult life when I have found myself in these types of situations it has taken me a long time to finally get to the cold turkey point. I waver, I struggle, I bargain, and I “what if” and “maybe if” in my mind until I’m physically exhausted.

Once I get to the point of never looking back something always clicks inside of me. Once I’m done, I’m done. Are there moments of temptation? Absolutely. Are there moments of struggle? Yes. But, they get so much easier. Promise. It’s worth it – to not look back, to not give in, to stand your ground, to be strong – to find out who you REALLY are, not who you think you’re supposed to be.

When you’re tempted to go back “just a little” to something that you know you are going to have a difficult time picking yourself up from – run the other way. Remember why you have moved on. Remember why you started. Remember why you are stronger than you were before.

There are no “do-overs” in this life – don’t waste your days on weakness. You are stronger than you could ever imagine if you just remember to not give up, give in, or give out.

A Southern Girl in Paris Part 3: Versailles and Paris by Night

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We take a lot of things for granted as a general lot. Comfortable beds. Air conditioning. Water. While I slept well at the hotel, the mattress was the equivalent of sleeping on the floor. Additionally, there is no air conditioning most places so sleeping with the window wide open at night was the go-to plan for air. Thankfully, there wasn’t humidity or the bugs we have in the South and I’m a big fan of open-window sleeping anyway so that was pleasant. The water thing, however, was not fun. I remembered this from Ireland, but we take getting water anywhere and everywhere in the States for granted. You can’t just pop in somewhere and ask for a cup of water. There are no water fountains or water dispensers in buildings. I spent a lot of money on just getting water and even resorted to carrying on around and filling it up from the bathroom before we left in the mornings. IMG_2867

Small Town Charm

So, after a water stop it was time to head to Versailles! We had to make a couple of metro changes but that gave us a little time to wander around a smaller town on the way onto our final destination. I’ll admit the first couple of hours I was in Paris the first day it was a little lackluster. It reminded me way too much of New York City. And, while I love New York, I enjoy smaller areas and places that aren’t so – crowded. One reason I loved Chicago so much! Give me the culture and the holes in the wall and the charm. Leave the cigarettes and the masses and the rudeness somewhere else. So this little excursion really made me so happy! We had about twenty minutes to walk around this little town – quiet, charming… and very French. IMG_2888

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Look at how little their garages are!!

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the cutest little vintage Mini Cooper!

3 We caught our next train and headed towards Versailles. I had just asked A earlier that day if people didn’t play music in the metro like other cities and she said they did, we just hadn’t seen any yet. On the way to Versailles, two guys got on the train and started playing some polka-type accordion tunes. That would happen a lot – I’d ask about something and it would pop up later in the day. It would also happen a lot that people ask you for money in Paris, a lot. Another big city trait. FullSizeRender The line to get into the Palace of Versailles was long but it moved pretty quickly. Thankfully, A had an amazing idea to get a baguette and cheese so we could snack while we waited.

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Yeah I posed with the baguette. Bread and I have a long term love affair. Don’t know why I’m standing like I have to pee, though. #awkwardposes

The Palace of Versailles

It was 16 euro for the tour of the palace and access to part of the gardens. Upon entering, you can rent an audio guide or you can have savvy friends that suggest you use the Rick Steves Europe app that will walk you through the whole palace, room by room, and give you great details about what you are touring. And, it’s free! So if you are traveling to Europe and plan on visiting some historic sites, this is a great tool to download before your trip.

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we had to take a selfie in the Hall of Mirrors

IMG_2892 The Palace is just gorgeous – it was definitely worth the visit. The whole tour took up about half of our day and we headed back towards town later in the afternoon – but of course only after stopping at Starbucks (which I feel the need to say I only drank ONCE the whole time I was there. I deserve a pat on the back just for that accomplishment). On our way back, we made another stop off at a smaller area and found a park to sit in for awhile and watch some kiddos skateboard and scooter (is that a word? I don’t know). IMG_2906

Hillsong France

Once we got back into Paris we headed down into the area where Hillsong Paris is located. Interestingly enough you may find yourself wandering through the area of town that is home to Paris’s gay culture. And, you may find yourself staring at some baguettes that are shaped into… well, use your imagination. The church service was beautiful – it was a very energetic atmosphere and the guest speaker, Christine Caine, was so powerful. I still want to dedicate a blog to the message she delivered about passion. It is so God-like for Him to place these opportunities and moments in our lives when we already have issues pressing on our heartstrings.

Sacré Cœur

After the service we headed back to Montmartre to visit Sacré Cœur. A said while all the tourists are down under the Eiffel Tower in the evenings the Parisians are on the steps of Sacré Cœur overlooking all of Paris. Again, pictures cannot begin to show the beauty. For miles you can see all of Paris and beyond – shimmering lights and the night sky lit up a deep shade of pink from the street light’s reflection. It is something made of dreams. IMG_2912 IMG_2914 We just sat for a long time and listened to people singing and music playing. It was in so many of those moments I just kept remembering how fortunate I was and how I wanted to soak up the opportunity and the moments and keep them in me forever.

And, This is Where The Night Gets Interesting…

(you can stop reading here, Dad)

“We can walk home from here,” A says as we are getting ready to leave the cathedral.

We headed towards the back of the church and started walking towards some stairs that would take us back down to the street (I should mention there are a thousand steps to walk up to Sacré Cœur but how else do you burn off pastries and cheese?) We were the only ones at the back of the church except for two older folks and a carload of guys parked at the end of the cobblestone walkway.

We slowed down a little bit and looked at each other.

“Maybe we shouldn’t walk this way.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

It was that moment we turned around and then the car horn started honking. We kept walking. A guy gets out of the car and starts hollering (it’s a word) at us in French. We kept walking. He continues to yell and wave his arms. We finally got around other people and took another way back down to the street.

“That was not gonna end well.”

Once we reached the street, we started walking toward the metro. And, on the way to the metro meant walking through the streets where some young Frenchmen were gathered. And, that meant getting the French equivalent of cat-called.

“Belle filles!”

I’m pretty sure they called us the French word for b*tches when we didn’t stop but I joked to A I should have turned around and in my most country voice said something like, “What did you just say? My Daddy wouldn’t like the way you’re talking to me – he’ll come over here and give you a good whoopin’!”

They probably would have turned and ran the other way.

It gets better…

(really don’t read this part, Dad)

We got on the metro and somehow we got off on the wrong stop. I honestly can’t remember what we were trying to do – I think we were going to see something else and A thought we were getting off at the right stop. Anyway, we walk up to the street after getting off the train and I think we both immediately knew we shouldn’t be there.

There were lots of men scattered around the street – some in huddles, some alone. When we started walking across the road I could feel the stares and it wasn’t just an innocent thing. You know how you get that bad feeling in your gut and it’s heavy? That’s how I felt. I got goose bumps and little blurts of electricity in my nerves. Some of the men started walking towards us as we were walking around on the sidewalk.

“I don’t think we need to be here.”

“Yeah.”

“Seriously – let’s just get back on the metro.”

“I think you’re right.”

And as fast as we had walked across the street we were back again and on the train.

That’s when A says, “Okay, don’t be mad at me but that was the red light district.”

“What!”

“I didn’t know until we got off!”

Lord.

Third Time of Danger is a Charm…

We got off at our stop and as soon as we got off the train there was the worst smell ever. It smelled like a hospital. We headed up the escalator and that’s when I saw this homeless man with his pants down around his ankles. I couldn’t see exactly what he was doing but I could tell he was doing something with his leg and his hands.

“What was that guy doing?” I asked A.

“He was shooting up, Patty!”

#sheltered

 So ends the second exciting and adventurous day in Paris… Part 4 coming soon!

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

 

Remembering to Dance

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I used to know someone who almost every time we were together we would end up dancing in the living room. Didn’t matter whose house we were at or what city we were in – there was always a dance party. I’m not talking about choreographed or swaying back and forth music – I’m talking about acting like idiots, jumping around, twirling around, and being 100% crazy dancing. And, we are talking about two grown ups with “real” and, at times, messy lives. It was a break from life – it was remembering to stay young.

This morning I was getting ready to work per the usual and had my Spotify playlist rotating through my workout songs. And, right there in what now seems like the most spacious bathroom in the world compared to the European bathroom I was using last week, I danced.

Some of my best memories of dancing weren’t the eight years I did it in a room filled with other bun headed girls but the humid summers spent with my best friends from college – dancing in the car, in our apartments making dance videos, swiveling each other around in rolling chairs across hardwood floors, learning new dance moves in sweltering hot establishments filled with tanned bodies living for the weekend, dancing in parking lots and in our front yards.

In those moments, we were presently in the moment. We were younger than we were, we were carefree. We didn’t care if we did the moves right or if people were watching – we just danced.

Sure, “learning to dance in the rain”, is a common phrase we hear but I never feel it’s literal. When’s the last time you danced in the rain? Or, your living room? By yourself or someone else? I thought about it this morning – how so many of us take for granted good health, bodies that work well and  have not betrayed us.

I don’t know the person who danced like an idiot with me anymore and college friends have married and moved away, but those moments stay with me. Lessons of youth, remembering to have fun, to love life, to turn all the lights off and turn the music way up… and dance.

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“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” – William Purkey