Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Cold Turkey

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“Free cheese is always available in mousetraps.” – Unknown

Do you ever try to bargain with yourself? You know – “I’ll just have a small slice of this chocolate cake”, “I’ll just have one drink,” “I’ll go workout tomorrow.” We all have. Some of us are better bargainers than others. I’ve played that game with myself for years. Usually it’s where relationships are concerned. We all have our bargaining weak spots – relationships, food, working out, alcohol, etc. It’s a power play against our will and our weaknesses.

Recently I needed to stop at the grocery store to pickup 3 things: egg whites, tuna, and a sweet potato. I only had $3 in cash because I lost my debit card (more on that story coming another day – it involves running out of gas. Don’t ask.) so I was having to be very selective in my purchases. Somehow between the tuna and the egg whites my body found itself on this aisle:

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I think they purposely put this type of stuff on the end of the aisle so you can’t help but see it and stop when you walk by. Let me preface all this to say I don’t think I have EVER bought a whole package of Oreos to keep at my house. I don’t keep sweets in my house, period. Maybe some chocolate but that’s it. I enjoy baking and cooking but I’m not someone who has a snack cabinet or anything like that. However, s’mores are one of my favorite little treats ever (I went through a phase where I had one every night before bed) and I am extremely intrigued by these s’mores Oreos. I’m more of a Reeses gal myself, but these days anything and everything hydrogenated and sugary is looking reeeeeeal good.

You see, when you dial certain things down or completely out of your life sometimes there is this thing that rears its ugly head. That little thing is called temptation. Ah, yes. Whether it’s my body tempting me to eat a whole package of Oreos or my mind tempting me to sabotage my sanity, temptation is rampant. And, even more so when you are trying to be “good.” Whatever that means to you. The temptation is always 1,000% stronger and harder to fight when you are on the straight and narrow. This could apply to hundreds of things – pick your personal poison.

If you read Gone Girl you know I am following the IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros) lifestyle right now. Love it. Could I eat a few Oreos and stay on track? Absolutely. Could I eat a few Oreos and stop there? Eeehhh. Not on this particular night. I would probably have bargained with myself and eaten way more than a few and then told myself I’d make it up some other way. I know myself pretty well these days and weak PL was looking at those s’mores Oreos like she looks at a new pair of high heels on sale.

So – I walked away. I said no. I didn’t bargain. Because, bargaining often leads to losing. I’ve come too far to tempt myself. Do I eat sweets? Of course. But, I stay within my macros. Am I going to do this forever? Probably not, but I have some super specific goals right now and I have worked far too hard and far too long to bargain my way into a few moments of pleasure. Because, isn’t that really what temptation and bargaining with ourselves is about? A few moments of pleasure for something that won’t last? Something that feels good in the moment but ultimately leaves us feeling empty and more broken than before?

Cutting bad things out of your life is never easy. Sometimes we try to keep “a little” bit to hang on to – because it feels good, because it’s comfortable, because we’re having a bad day and a “little bit” of our old life makes a feel a little better. Temporarily.

Unfortunately, the real temptations in life for most of us aren’t food but are things that are more damaging to our mental and emotional well being than our physical well being. They hurt our hearts and impede our growth. We take ten steps forward only to look back in a moment of weakness and wake up to find ourselves five steps backwards. For most of my adult life when I have found myself in these types of situations it has taken me a long time to finally get to the cold turkey point. I waver, I struggle, I bargain, and I “what if” and “maybe if” in my mind until I’m physically exhausted.

Once I get to the point of never looking back something always clicks inside of me. Once I’m done, I’m done. Are there moments of temptation? Absolutely. Are there moments of struggle? Yes. But, they get so much easier. Promise. It’s worth it – to not look back, to not give in, to stand your ground, to be strong – to find out who you REALLY are, not who you think you’re supposed to be.

When you’re tempted to go back “just a little” to something that you know you are going to have a difficult time picking yourself up from – run the other way. Remember why you have moved on. Remember why you started. Remember why you are stronger than you were before.

There are no “do-overs” in this life – don’t waste your days on weakness. You are stronger than you could ever imagine if you just remember to not give up, give in, or give out.

the need for speed

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It’s a trend always on the rise – the need to be the best, the smartest, the fastest, the wealthiest, the most popular… The need for speed will never stop. But, that doesn’t mean all of us are jumping on the first flight out to a land of discontentment and many times unachievable desires. Maybe you’ve been a passenger of the speed train for a long time and are ready to disembark – do we even remember how to not be bombarded by feelings of “not being good enough” in a world that tells us we aren’t good until we’re great?

I spent many years trying to prove myself to other people. I touched on this in my last post The Importance of Being Independent but I was always the “I can do it and I don’t need your help” person. And, a lot of that is still in me and probably always will be. A lot of that links back to things I cannot control, but have impacted my person and my outlook. The idea of being dependent on anyone is crippling at times. I’ve consistently carried at least three jobs but at times up to six. The need to be productive, to be busy, to be helpful, to be independent, to give back, to not be a burden, to make my own way… these things will never going away because they are inherently ingrained into my DNA. But, the need to “outdo” everyone else I know… to have the most fantastic job, to have the best car, to one up them… that is where somehow our world has gone from the morals of making your own way and having an honest day’s work to one of entitlement and expectation and the constant drive to be better than everyone else.

Instead of encouraging people to be content with having a job they enjoy or finding joy in living day to day, society and those around us feed us toxic thoughts that if we don’t “have it all together” or have our “dream job” or aren’t banking six figures by the time we’re 25 then we are never going to amount to anything. We’re worthless, we’re the duds, we’re the ugly duckling in a group of swans. It seems extreme, but it’s reality and I see it all around me. We live to work not work to live. We expect to be given everything instead of working towards a goal. My goals are not your goals. Your goals are your own and no one, ever, should make you feel that they are less than what they are. Maybe you are content doing what you are doing and being where you are for now but those around you infiltrate your happiness with questions and cause you to be uncertain. Let me tell you this – you cannot put a price on contentment. Period.

The world and people around you who do not hold your best interest at heart should never be the barometer for your life. You will never be good enough for them because as soon as you get that high paying job, they are going to start asking you when you will fulfill the next expected step on the ladder of success. The people around us who belong in our lives will push us forward in our goals, in our dreams, and help stretch us when it is time to be pulled in a new direction. But, the pushing and shoving that comes with climbing over each other to reach the top is a one way ticket to self destruction and self hate.

If you wanna be fast, enjoy the ride and soak up every opportunity. But, also find contentment in being a well rounded, complete human being who finds beauty and worth in the smallest details of where your life is existing at this moment.

The Importance of Being Independent

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Earlier this week, I stopped downtown to check my PO Box. Nothing out of the ordinary there – I slid my car into the parallel parking spot, got out, and started to make my way inside the building when an older gentleman stopped me.

“Now that is a real nice parking job, girl!” he smiled, getting into his slick, black Mercedes.

The part of me that tends to have a snappy comeback for everything rose up in defense of the seemingly sexist and/or stereotypical comment, but instead I smiled and said, “Thank you!” Because, after all, I am the best parallel parker and I make no qualms about tooting that horn.

For most of my teenage and young adult life, I have had an automatic defense mechanism snap in me when I thought someone was questioning my ability to do something well. I guess you could say I had a chip on my shoulder. I proudly wore shirts that had phrases like, “Be Independent. Don’t depend on him!” emblazoned across the front. In college, I wrote a paper about third wave feminism and was sure this was where my viewpoint would stay for the next thirty years. I refused to acknowledge the bag boys at grocery stores, no matter how many bags I had to carry, I lifted/carried/pulled things too heavy for me because I was a woman and I could do it. If anyone made a comment about me being a girl or saying I couldn’t do something, you better believe I was going to do the task or die trying. Worst attitude ever. That person was awful.

Real independence doesn’t scream, “I’m a women, hear me roar!” Yes, I can do a lot of things with no help and usually still in my 4″ heels, but that’s not a reason for me to become hostile and defensive when I’m underestimated. Real independence comes with a sense of peace and that’s something I am constantly reminding myself of on the anxiety filled days. Real independence is knowing you are free from depending on another person but gracious when help is offered. Real independence is learning the art of accepting help or saying “Thank you” – and really meaning it. Real independence is not arguing with someone over how independent you are or trying to prove your one-woman-can-do-it-all abilities. Real independence is accepting that there are two genders in this world and that’s a pretty awesome thing. Real independence is knowing your value and capabilities and never having to feel like you have to defend yourself.

It’s taken me a long time and some failures along the way to simply be grateful for help and to enjoy being appreciated for being a woman. I find the men who disrespect and bully a woman over what she can and can’t do isn’t a man who recognizes his own power and shouldn’t be allowed to have an affect on how I see mine. But, if someone recognizes my bad ass parking skills… I’m going to give that person a mental high five and move on with my day.

It takes nothing away from your person to enjoy being a female or to be gracious… you can even do it with oil stained hands and a dipstick.