Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Hungry Hearts

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Recently, I was asked to speak at a career day for a group of Kindergarteners. I must have been either having a weak moment or smoking some cheap drugs when I agreed, but agree I did. I am no public speaker – it actually terrifies me. But, branching out – right? It’s been a long time since I’ve been up in front of a group, but I’m used to being around kids anyway so of course they were the best audience I could have asked for.

Since it was career day, several of them had dressed up for the occasion. One little girl was a “veterinarian” complete with scrubs and a stethoscope (“It really works!”) She leaned up on her tiptoes and put the round metal disc to my heart. Her little face scrunched together and her bright blue eyes got very serious. She took the stethoscope away and said very matter-of-factly, “You’re hungry!”, and walked away.

We all have hungry hearts. Hunger for love, hunger for safety, hunger to be needed, hunger for friendship, hunger to be understood… An empty feeling we are needing to be filled. We need that emptiness to be filled – just like our stomachs alert us we are hungry, so do our hearts. And, much like filling our stomachs with either a Big Mac or a salad we have choices on what we fill that emptiness with.

Filling our hearts isn’t as simple as opening a bag of lettuce or going through a drive-thru, but we do and can easily find “drive-thru” solutions to temporary fill the hunger in our hearts. We can fill that hole with damaging relationships, with food and alcohol, with surrounding ourselves with people who don’t want the best for us or influence us in negative ways. We can fill it with drugs or even sleep. These are all temporary fixes.

The only way to fill our hungry hearts is with long term and loving relationships, with delicate care to our heart and mindfulness to protect it but also leaving it open enough to give and receive love and to surround ourselves with like minded people who push us to be better. But, the most lasting way to fill our hearts so they are never hungry again is with the love of our Heavenly Father.

Maybe you feel discarded. Abandoned. Even untouchable. Maybe you have made decisions or choices you wish you could take back. Maybe you blame yourself for life’s unforeseen circumstances. Maybe you have been hurt. Maybe you feel like you’re not enough. You are not unworthy. You are a special creation. You have immense value. You possess characteristics and traits that are unique to you. You have gifts to share with those around you. You are a gift to your family and your friends. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of forgiveness and worthy of a second chance. We all are.

Sometimes, we may not receive forgiveness or love from our human peers. We may feel rejected. We become frustrated and restless. This is a part of life. We ache for acceptance and love and too often, we find it fleeting. Our Heavenly Father loves us and forgives us. Continually. Everyday. For ever misstep, for every moment of regret… He forgives us. His grace is sufficient. His love is sufficient. He will never leave us or forsake us. No matter how bad we screw up He will never let us stay in the dirt alone. He will pull us up and put His arms around us and walk us home. No matter how dark the valley gets He is there.

He knows each one of our heart’s individual hungers and if we would just open our hands and let Him (yes, let) take care of us, our hearts will never be hungry again. We may yearn for earthly things but God knows each need, want and desire and He promises us that He will give us the desires of our heart. If we will only let Him.

I’ll leave you with some lines from the song “Restless” by Audrey Assad

“In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I’m restless, I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You
I am restless, I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You”

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

The Importance of Being Independent

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Earlier this week, I stopped downtown to check my PO Box. Nothing out of the ordinary there – I slid my car into the parallel parking spot, got out, and started to make my way inside the building when an older gentleman stopped me.

“Now that is a real nice parking job, girl!” he smiled, getting into his slick, black Mercedes.

The part of me that tends to have a snappy comeback for everything rose up in defense of the seemingly sexist and/or stereotypical comment, but instead I smiled and said, “Thank you!” Because, after all, I am the best parallel parker and I make no qualms about tooting that horn.

For most of my teenage and young adult life, I have had an automatic defense mechanism snap in me when I thought someone was questioning my ability to do something well. I guess you could say I had a chip on my shoulder. I proudly wore shirts that had phrases like, “Be Independent. Don’t depend on him!” emblazoned across the front. In college, I wrote a paper about third wave feminism and was sure this was where my viewpoint would stay for the next thirty years. I refused to acknowledge the bag boys at grocery stores, no matter how many bags I had to carry, I lifted/carried/pulled things too heavy for me because I was a woman and I could do it. If anyone made a comment about me being a girl or saying I couldn’t do something, you better believe I was going to do the task or die trying. Worst attitude ever. That person was awful.

Real independence doesn’t scream, “I’m a women, hear me roar!” Yes, I can do a lot of things with no help and usually still in my 4″ heels, but that’s not a reason for me to become hostile and defensive when I’m underestimated. Real independence comes with a sense of peace and that’s something I am constantly reminding myself of on the anxiety filled days. Real independence is knowing you are free from depending on another person but gracious when help is offered. Real independence is learning the art of accepting help or saying “Thank you” – and really meaning it. Real independence is not arguing with someone over how independent you are or trying to prove your one-woman-can-do-it-all abilities. Real independence is accepting that there are two genders in this world and that’s a pretty awesome thing. Real independence is knowing your value and capabilities and never having to feel like you have to defend yourself.

It’s taken me a long time and some failures along the way to simply be grateful for help and to enjoy being appreciated for being a woman. I find the men who disrespect and bully a woman over what she can and can’t do isn’t a man who recognizes his own power and shouldn’t be allowed to have an affect on how I see mine. But, if someone recognizes my bad ass parking skills… I’m going to give that person a mental high five and move on with my day.

It takes nothing away from your person to enjoy being a female or to be gracious… you can even do it with oil stained hands and a dipstick.