Earlier this week, I stopped downtown to check my PO Box. Nothing out of the ordinary there – I slid my car into the parallel parking spot, got out, and started to make my way inside the building when an older gentleman stopped me.
“Now that is a real nice parking job, girl!” he smiled, getting into his slick, black Mercedes.
The part of me that tends to have a snappy comeback for everything rose up in defense of the seemingly sexist and/or stereotypical comment, but instead I smiled and said, “Thank you!” Because, after all, I am the best parallel parker and I make no qualms about tooting that horn.
For most of my teenage and young adult life, I have had an automatic defense mechanism snap in me when I thought someone was questioning my ability to do something well. I guess you could say I had a chip on my shoulder. I proudly wore shirts that had phrases like, “Be Independent. Don’t depend on him!” emblazoned across the front. In college, I wrote a paper about third wave feminism and was sure this was where my viewpoint would stay for the next thirty years. I refused to acknowledge the bag boys at grocery stores, no matter how many bags I had to carry, I lifted/carried/pulled things too heavy for me because I was a woman and I could do it. If anyone made a comment about me being a girl or saying I couldn’t do something, you better believe I was going to do the task or die trying. Worst attitude ever. That person was awful.
Real independence doesn’t scream, “I’m a women, hear me roar!” Yes, I can do a lot of things with no help and usually still in my 4″ heels, but that’s not a reason for me to become hostile and defensive when I’m underestimated. Real independence comes with a sense of peace and that’s something I am constantly reminding myself of on the anxiety filled days. Real independence is knowing you are free from depending on another person but gracious when help is offered. Real independence is learning the art of accepting help or saying “Thank you” – and really meaning it. Real independence is not arguing with someone over how independent you are or trying to prove your one-woman-can-do-it-all abilities. Real independence is accepting that there are two genders in this world and that’s a pretty awesome thing. Real independence is knowing your value and capabilities and never having to feel like you have to defend yourself.
It’s taken me a long time and some failures along the way to simply be grateful for help and to enjoy being appreciated for being a woman. I find the men who disrespect and bully a woman over what she can and can’t do isn’t a man who recognizes his own power and shouldn’t be allowed to have an affect on how I see mine. But, if someone recognizes my bad ass parking skills… I’m going to give that person a mental high five and move on with my day.
It takes nothing away from your person to enjoy being a female or to be gracious… you can even do it with oil stained hands and a dipstick.
