goals

Bikini Blues

September 10, 2015 by patty lauren 6 Comments

This week puts me at six weeks out from one of the biggest things I have ever set out to do. It may seem silly to some people, but I haven’t set such a lofty goal for myself since graduating college. If you see me staring off into space chances are I am not thinking about my love life, but I am thinking about prepping for my competition. Or, I am thinking about food. Working hard, keeping a strong mental game… it’s consumed my every day life. For now. It’s not permanent and I am very glad to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and to resume a more normal life, but for now this is the most important thing I have going on.

I have had to make time to rest, I have had to say no to going out and doing things, I have had to sacrifice a lot… No one has asked me to do this, but I have chosen to do it. I am learning big lessons in self discipline and self control and I don’t think I ever would have learned them if I had not decided to enter this competition.

After a restful holiday weekend and getting back on track with getting good amounts of sleep, I want to hit on a few aspects I’ve been thinking about the past couple of weeks but honestly have been too tired to write about.

Food – (duh, of course this is gonna be first):

Some days I feel like Veruca Salt… “Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts…” Forget the golden goose and all that – just gimme all the sweets. I find myself perusing the aisles of my local shopping haunts just to lust after the packaged goods. I find myself thinking about what everything tastes like and the texture and the smell. I guess I am learning to appreciate my senses, right? I also have found myself wanting to eat things I never have before or didn’t think I would like, etc. I suppose it’s the whole “you can’t have this” so you want it philosophy.

In ways, it has gotten easier. But, in other ways it is getting extremely difficult. I am so close, but I have deprived myself so long of certain things that I spend a lot of time thinking about eating anything and everything I can’t eat. It’s not really a good place to be – that’s why prep is temporary.

I have a few things that I am planning on enjoying… Part of my traveling posse is coming up the evening before I leave for Memphis to go grocery shopping with me for a few goodies. Right now I know the three things that are on my list:

Reeses

Brownie Batter Oreos

Pizza (remember, I’m having it shipped from Giordanos in Chicago. Yes, I am crazy.)

Oh, and a VENTI Starbucks. Immediately after the show is over. Gimme dat Sbux!

One of my friends going is also making me some type of decadent Reeses brownies so there’s that. I know I’m probably going to have a real bad tummy ache, so I am going to genuinely just try to have a few bites of each thing and not go crazy. I’ve read too many stories about post show rebound and I’m not wanting to experience that in any way.

I have learned so much and know enough that I am cautious but not worried about my eating habits post-show. I’m looking forward to setting new goals in the gym and eating to fuel my body.

The Whys:

Someone said to me recently, “Why a bikini competition? Do you really need to get in a bikini in front of a bunch of strangers to have them tell you you’re pretty? I can do that for you without you having to go to all that trouble.” WHUT. If anyone thinks I am doing this to be told I’m “pretty”, you really don’t know me and/or you really have no idea what a fitness competition entails.

First of all – I am a naturally very shy person. I’m an introvert (an INTJ for you Myers Briggs lovers) and it takes me awhile to come out of my shell with people. It takes a lot of time and me being comfortable. And, while I’m a lover of a good selfie and OOTD (outfit of the day) picture I don’t post a bunch of pictures of my body all over the internet, etc. That’s just not who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that, in my eyes, but I choose not to do that at this point.

This is not an ego stroke or a self esteem boost. I don’t know why anyone would put themselves through the literal hell, at times, of prep just to be told they’re pretty or they have a good body. Think about it. A normal competition prep is usually at least 12 weeks (I’ve been doing it longer), you are very restricted on food for the most part (carbs, anyone?), it’s expensive (suit, tan, shoes, jewelry, entry fees, membership fees, hotel, travel, gas, etc.), it’s isolating at times, you are in the gym at least 6 days a week and towards the end you are in there two or more times a day, and the hardest part… it’s a mental mind game. If you need to be told you’re pretty in a bikini, go throw one on and head down to your local bar. This is a fitness competition, not a who has the biggest … well, anyway.

I want to raise more awareness of what these competitions represent because I can understand what people think they are about… but it’s so much more than that. Even if I get up there and don’t place, I am getting up there to be judged on the work I have put in for hours. It’s a reflection of how strong I can be, how hard I have worked, how I have fallen down but gotten back up and tried again. I was very hurt when someone close to me told me they didn’t support me and believed what I was doing was not “Godly.” The Bible tells us our body is a temple – the Bible tells us not to be gluttons – Daniel fasted and ate only certain foods to draw closer to God. The Bible warns us against being drunkards, giving away our bodies, and defiling them. The Bible is full of examples of how important our physical bodies are to Christ. I have chosen to better my body that God gave me… it’s healthy, I have the ability to change it and to watch what I put inside of it – and far beyond the physical changes I have seen I have had so many more emotional and life changes because of this journey (more on that in another section).

This prep has taken everything out of me, twisted it around, put it back together, and is still hard every single day. I have learned so much about myself – I feel like I could do anything. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I have seen too many good things and really had to learn to trust God so much in these past few weeks that I can’t imagine it not being a spiritual journey as well as a physical one.

I never set out on my fitness path to do a bikini competition. That was never a thought – I didn’t even know what they were! I set out to be a better me, to get my body fit and in shape, and to change my life. The competition was a by-product of that and gave me a huge goal to set for myself in so many areas. Once the competition is over, I will continue to set new goals and train. This is just a slice of the pie. PIE! Food… see, it always happens.

The Negatives:

It’s really been interesting that the amount of negative things have almost completely gone away from outside sources. I think people who doubted my intentions or doubted I would follow through have since realized differently and they have either fallen by the wayside or they are supporting me 100%. I feel extremely fortunate to have the support system I do, but more on that later.

Obviously, negatives are I am tired and hungry. I hit a wall about a week ago with my sleep and was told by a few key people in my life right now that I had to sleep or I was going to do myself more harm than good. So, getting my sleep has been top priority for me behind training and hitting my macro goals.

Washing dishes?! Yes, this is stupid but for real… I can only wash so many more Tupperware containers. I don’t have a dishwasher and my manicures are suffering.

Going to the gym more than once a day. I think it’ll be fine to go more than once every now and then, maybe, but once prep is over… once a day will be juuuuuuuust fine.

I know by following IIFYM I can really eat “anything” as long as it fits in my macro count, but I have gotten to the place where I’ve really tried to cut out the treats and just save my “fun” macros for peanut butter or a Lenny and Larry’s cookie or something like that. I’m apprehensive of fitting too many donuts or Starbucks in at this point. That works for some people, but for this being my first show and for having some of the binge eating episodes I have had, I just want to really try and keep things locked down until the end.

That being said – it’s been very difficult to go to fun social events or go out of town and watch other people eat cupcakes or ice cream or snack all day and have to constantly refrain or say no. It’s wearing on me. But, the end is near…

The Positives:

I saved this for last because it’s my favorite. No one can tell me God has not has His hand completely in my life the past several months. From the emotional and mental changes to the physical… I know I wouldn’t have been able to come this far without relying on my God.

One of the goals my therapist set for me this summer was to get out and meet more people and try to make more friends. This isn’t something I’ve really elaborated on, but I feel like this just shows how things can work together. I’ve always been someone who waited until someone wanted to be friends with me first. I’ve never sought out relationships of any kind. Of course I could get down into the whys of this but that’s not something I’m touching on today. The point is since that conversation with her I have made more new friendships or really started to get to know people I didn’t know that well before. I have had more support from people that I never would have thought would have supported me or even knew who I was than I could ever have imagined.

I get daily text messages of encouragement from so many people or I will see someone out in town and they will say just the smallest bit of encouragement to me… they have no idea how I cling to these jewels right now. Those things get me through. They give me strength. That’s why I am such a proponent now of telling people things when you want to – don’t think “Oh, they’ve heard that. Oh, someone else is telling them that.” NO. Tell them. Encourage them. You have no idea if your words are the very ones that gets someone to make a better decision, or to turn away from something harmful, or just get them through another day.

People will come up to my and ask me about what I’ve been doing, ask me questions about the competition. It’s become easier for me to start to come out of that shell I had around myself and engage with those around me. Partly because I feel completely comfortable with myself now but also because I realize that not everyone is out to get me or sabotage me and friendships and learning and growing through other people is a really wonderful, God given thing.

There are a couple of women in my life I have met recently that have become rocks in this journey and I know we will continue to develop friendships after October, but their advice and walking along beside me is sometimes the only thing that gets me through a day.

I have met so many awesome people and learned from them… They inspire me. The people I have met in the fitness industry and those who are heavily into this lifestyle are some of the nicest, most genuine, and kind people I have ever met in my life. I would have thought the opposite before I got into all of this, but I have found no jealousy, no competitive comments, no judgments… only lifting up, encouragement, help, advice, and complete acceptance.

People who were my friends but have since disappeared out of my life or laughed off my goals or admitted they feel I am competition to them… those are sad moments for me, but I realize those chapters are over. Some I have had to close myself and it’s not something the old Patty Lauren would have done. It would have killed me to shut doors completely, but I can do it now because I am strong and I am learning a little bit more what is and isn’t beneficial to my future.

People who I didn’t think would support me or maybe I have had bumpy moments with have stepped up, told me how proud they are of me, been incredibly supportive, genuinely interesting in what is going on… It just goes to show you really cannot judge how someone is going to react. Sometimes the very people we think will abandon us are the ones who give us those pep talks and bits of encouragement that we need.

—

Entering the home stretch… hard days are every day as I face temptations and challenges and try to keep focused, but no matter what… everything I have gained outweighs every sacrifice. Caitlin, my trainer, always tell me: “Finish strong!!” She’s full of good quotes but that is one of my favorites and one I have to keep reminding myself of.

Regardless of what came before or of what has yet to come, what matters most is how you choose to respond to the challenge in front of you. Will you lie down or will you fight? The choice is yours. Choose to Finish Strong! -Dan Green

Gone Girl

July 8, 2015 by patty lauren 7 Comments

This post was originally published around this time last year… I’ve updated a few things, but the original narrative remains unchanged.

Let’s Start at the Beginning, Shall We?

This story really begins in the summer of 2012 and all of 2013, 2014, and some of 2015. Once upon a time, I was a skinny teenager with deer legs who went through an incredibly awkward stage for what seemed like an incredibly long period of time.

Somewhere my Dad is crying from laughter.

As things happen and I got older, I gained a “normal” amount of weight. I also went through periods of time when I worked out and was in decent “shape” (aka: skinny fat). I loved Pilates and the elliptical. I wouldn’t do weights at the gym because I didn’t want to “get big.” Oh, how times have changed.

In 2012, I was getting ready to embark on a new life journey but not before I crammed a lot of living into that year. I had never rebelled as a teenager or young adult and now that I was finally living on my own I spent a good portion of that year indulging in life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I can’t count the nights that 3am was when the night ended – often in the drive-thru of Krystal with my best friends at the time. One day I’ll write a salacious book about all of our escapades – maybe. While I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything but I would trade the way I treated my body. I was shoving life down my own throat and the food and drinks came along for the ride.

So, here I was in 2013 the most weight I had ever weighed. I tipped the scale at 155 lbs at 5’5” – that’s considered overweight. Don’t get me wrong – my goal has never been to be a stick, despite what some people may believe. Curvy? Awesome. Booty? Yes, please. Sexy and feminine? Check and check. Overweight, unhealthy, depressed, and feel trapped in a body that you know is not yours? Negative, nada, no thanks, and BAD. There is nothing that compares to feeling like you are a prisoner in your own body.

For a good portion of 2013 I kept on the same train – eating, drinking, and being merry. In late summer I had some personal things happen and I coped by losing weight. Guess how I did it? Ding ding ding!! I didn’t eat! Woohoo!! I’m so smart and I have a college degree. WRONG. So dumb. I was biking 8 miles a day and barely eating. Did I lose weight? Of course. Was I healthy? NO. Was it a sustainable lifestyle? NO. I was coping with emotions I didn’t know how to deal with and I was manipulating my body by starving myself physically, emotionally, and mentally.

As women, we often think if we can control our food and our body we can control everything else. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. You’ve got to get a grip on the rest of your life and then work on your physical. Otherwise, the results will never last. They will always be a band-aid for something else. If you’re happy with your body that’s all that matters. I wasn’t. I knew there was a foxy lady inside clawing to get out – I just didn’t know how to find her yet.

In late 2013 I started running with one of my good friends who had been in the Army and he really helped get me started on learning to run and getting some stamina. He would never let me stop – even if I was barely jogging. We would run for miles all around town and just talk. It was awesome and it developed my deep love of running. I kept up running for half of 2014 and ran several 5Ks, but not much else had changed. I was still in a vicious cycle of binge eating or not eating at all. I was in a relationship where pizza night and Netflix was a frequent occurrence and being active was not a priority. So, I quit running.

[Side note: this isn’t meant to be a reflection necessarily of my circumstance at the time, but please – do not get in a relationship with someone who is not on your level as far as drive and dedication or can’t respect your own. One or both of you is going to be sorely disappointed. You might be able to make it work for awhile but eventually someone is going to complain you spend too much time doing what your passion is if they don’t have one of their own. I love seeing couples who both are focused and work hard – even if it’s for different things – because they “get it.” They share they successes and their relationship is stronger for it.] <—- edit: I love reading this now 🤗

Losing the Old Self

By the fall of 2014 I was out of my relationship and existing – trying to figure out who I really was. I started, slowly, running again but I was still coasting. If you have followed my blog for any period of time, you have heard me say 2015 has been my best year yet. I spent the first part of 2015 in La La Land – I half assed a lot of things this year and ended up paying for it. I’ll never forget sitting in my best friend’s office bawling my eyes out one particularly difficult morning while someone I am very close to gave me a nice little talking-to on the phone. She said everything I needed to hear at the time. And, I’ll never forget this particularly tough love comment – “Patty Lauren doesn’t even know who Patty Lauren is.” Ouch. But, she was right. I didn’t.

The next few weeks really were just me trying to grope my way through my own darkness and trying to figure out who I was, who I needed to be, who I wanted to be… you know, things you’re supposed to have figured out in your twenties.

In March I started biking and running again. I had been kind of training for a half marathon (remember that half-assed comment? Yep, half-assing my running, too. Okay, I’m going to stop saying half-assing!) so I was trying to step that game up a little bit but I knew I had to do more. This was going to be my year. Amazingly enough for someone who hadn’t trained that hard I finished my half marathon in a little over three hours but I finished! Looking back it’s so cool to know I actually ran 13.1 miles. One of my best memories of my entire life.

Gym life: I hired a personal trainer at the beginning of May and haven’t looked back a day. Sure, I probably could have gone to the gym alone and winged it (didn’t say the other phrase) but I needed something different. I needed to be different. I have never felt such a drive and passion as I do know. Everything really started falling into place.

I still have my trainer and we work together twice a week. You should definitely check out Body by Hannah – I owe so much of my success to Hannah and my trainer Caitlin. I wouldn’t be where I am without having the opportunity to meet them – they have truly changed my life. <—- edit: WHAT!! Now I’m a trainer at Body by Hannah. I started shadowing Hannah at the beginning of the year, passed my certification in April, Caitlin moved to pursue her doctorate degree and I started getting my own clients at the studio. On September 1, 2016 I transitioned into being a full-time personal trainer at Body by Hannah. What I said will always be true – they changed my life and now I get to do what I’ve always been meant to do… it just took me a long time to get there.

At the time of this blog publication, I was up at 4:30am everyday and going to the gym 2x a day in preparation for my fitness competition. It’s been almost a year since then and I’ve settled into a couple of different routines since then. I try to walk or ride my bike at least 30 minutes everyday and I’m lifting weights in the gym anywhere from 3-5 days a week depending on if I’m doing full body workouts or splits. I’ve also enjoyed being able to try lots of new things, try some classes I’ve wanted to try, and stay active with friends during the week.

Blood, sweat, and tears – that’s a lot of what you don’t see. Am I tired? Yes. Right now I am working anywhere from 50-60 hours a week but I don’t let that become an excuse to not grind 100% every single day. Many of my days are 15, 16, 17 hours long… you make time for what is important. I know it’s not my job but that saying of waking up every day looking forward to your job – that’s how I feel about my life. <— my days are not as long anymore, but now what I love IS my job!! Woohoo!

Food – Edit: When I wrote this last summer I was counting macros (IIFYM)… it worked for me for a long time and especially in preparation for my show, but I officially stopped counting macros earlier this year and try to live more by the 80/20 rule. I try to eat a well balanced diet with lots of veggies and whole grains, fruit, good fats, etc. but I enjoy treats now and then. Cooking is again a huge part of my life and something I’ve learned to enjoy again. Counting macros zapped a lot of fun out of my daily life once I had done it for awhile and it was causing me more stress and obsessive tendencies than being mindful about my food.

The rest: The rest was meant to be as “the rest of the story”, but actual rest is so important. Fortunately for me, I was already in a relatively good pattern of going to bed at a decent hour. You have to listen to your body though. And, sometimes your body says “Go to bed at 8:30pm.” As much as this year as been a year of “yes” sometimes I have had to say “no.” And, sometimes you have to be willing to sit with your friends while they down pitchers of beers and plates of nachos and you’re like, “I’ll take another one of these savory lemon waters, please!”

I read – a lot. I’ve never read so much for learnable knowledge since college. I read a lot every day about nutrition and workouts and general fitness information. I listen – a lot. I try to be a sponge. Sometimes I’m a forgetful sponge so I have to ask again and again, but I ask. I’ve found some really awesome people through Instagram that I have been able to ask questions and follow to learn some invaluable information.

You know the saying about time passes anyway so you might as well do something with it? I cannot imagine my life if I had continued doing the same things I was four months ago. I would be heartbroken to know I had wasted 120 days of amazing living. Time is passing – you have each new day to make a decision to do something amazing. To try something new. To turn your life around. Your only limitations are the ones you put on yourself.

A lot of people have asked me how much weight I’ve lost and while I don’t mind discussing that I want to make it clear it’s not been just about the weight loss for me. It has been a COMPLETE life change. The biggest compliments are not the ones that say, “Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” – they are the ones that say, “Wow, you look so different! You look so HAPPY.” I have never felt like this in my entire life and unless you’ve gone through a complete metamorphosis it is hard to explain in words. Total, I have lost over 40 lbs. of body weight. I also lost 40 lbs. of emotional weight,anxiety weight,depression weight and gained more life than I could have ever imagined having.

There are days I have cried because I think about how I felt before – how I felt inside compared to what I looked like on the outside. It wasn’t me. Part of me is sad that I wasted so many years settling to be mediocre myself, but I believe in God’s perfect timing and I truly believe I had to live all of those years the way I was and go through the things I have to be 1,000% dedicated to my life today. He knew when I would be truly ready – it just took me a little while to get here.

If you’ve braved through this whole narrative I’ll leave you with this: Don’t let anything stop you from being who you know you are destined to be. Whether it be a great mom, a loving wife, an amazing friend, a lawyer, a doctor, or just a happy person. We limit ourselves for thousands of reasons but we only need one reason to start living our full lives – because why not? Why not start TODAY to start a new direction? The minutes are passing by… ticking slowly off the clock. What are you going to do with your time today? I promise you, you will never be sorry you started.

The Beauty of Being Scared

July 5, 2015 by patty lauren Leave a Comment

Have you ever set a goal for yourself that seems impossible? Maybe it seems impossible because it’s going to take years to accomplish or because you don’t have a good support system or you don’t have enough faith in yourself or it just seems downright difficult and you wonder if you have the perseverance to see it through to the end. Goals that seem extreme can be scary, but I am learning they are some of the best kind to set for yourself. They push you to dig way deep down inside yourself and pull up everything you’ve learned your whole life, they teach you to have confidence in yourself, they show you who your true friends are, they focus your drive and stamina into something powerful.

Smaller goals are good, too, but they often just get us from point A to point B. Lose weight. Get a diploma. Get more sleep. Pick up a new hobby. You get the idea. They float us along – helping us get better or become more knowledgable, but once we meet them, then what? Often times, they’re not very challenging. Perhaps it’s because we’re scared to dream big and set big goals. I know that’s why I’ve always shied away from those goals – because I was scared. When we start becoming our whole selves and we lean on God and the fuzzy stuff in life starts fading away and other things become more in focus, it’s almost like being a pony in a race with blinders on – your vision becomes honed in and crystal clear.

Extreme goals take extreme faith. They take radical determination and dedication. They can make you or break you. They will challenge your mental, emotional, and physical strength. A few weeks ago, I set an extreme goal for myself. I’m not quite ready to share it with everyone but I will eventually. Not only will it challenge me in the areas I just described but it’s something 100% of out of my comfort zone. I couldn’t be more excited, scared or ready. If I could have one wish for anyone I knew it would be that, if you didn’t already, you would know what it feels like to be completely free and content and truly be able to feel like you could accomplish anything you set your mind to. That you would be truly happy and even know everyone will have an opinion about anything and everything you do, you would feel so secure in your choices it wouldn’t matter.

Go for the scary. Go for the extreme. Do what unnerves you and makes your insides tremble and your blood race. Because those are the things that change you forever. Those are the things that take you off the path of mediocrity and propel you into a world set ablaze of opportunity and unimaginable possibilities. Those are the things that change you forever.

“Set a goal so BIG that if you ever achieved it it would BLOW your mind.” – Unknown

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

All About That Race

April 28, 2015 by patty lauren 2 Comments

Warning: This is a LONG read… so get some popcorn and buckle up 🙂

It’s over! After 6 months of anticipation and training, I completed my first half marathon. What. An. Experience. Seriously! It’s hard to put into words how amazing the St. Jude 1/2 Marathon was this past Saturday. There were several times I almost cried (I’m a baby don’t judge me) because I was just so happy and excited and proud and pumped! I’ve been running for the past 2 years… I’ve done several 5ks and had planned on doing the 1/2 last year but I didn’t. Poor excuses. But, this year I was doing it come hell or high water. I’m 30 years old this year and this is going to be my year. So much has changed just the past few months! For comparison… this is me last year at the St. Jude 5K: I don’t even know that person anymore! The girl on the left was struggling to keep up and frustrated with life and not in good shape. The girl on the right is kicking butt all the way down the line these days. I like her a lot. It’s important to like yourself because God knows if you don’t even like yourself no one else will. Let me start this awesome day from the beginning because like any good story I tell you there has to be some mishaps. Can I get an amen? I left work early on Friday and I knew there were a couple of things I needed to do before getting on my way:

1. Pick up GK

2. Take her to my parents

3. Get gas & put oil in my car

Seems simple, right? Ha ha ha ha. I was able to get number one finished but as I was on my way to drop GK off with my mom, my car decided it wanted to go ahead and run out of gas a few miles earlier than I had anticipated with my awesome odometer watching skills. You see, my car is 17 years old and some things just don’t work like they used to. My gas gauge is a little faulty but I’m usually pretty good about keeping track of my mileage. USUALLY.

This was the worst day ever to run out of gas. I made some phone calls and my mom was nice enough to come pick me up and take me to the gas station. It was here I was hoping they would have a gas can I could buy. Like the one I used to keep in my car. Like the one that was sitting at my house at that present moment. Sigh.

God love my mom but she really does not have good timing when she makes comments to me sometimes.

“How old are you again?”

“You know you should leave a gas can in your car so this doesn’t happen…”

NOT HELPING. That ship has sailed, woman! Jesus take the wheel, or my tongue in this case, and just get me to a gas station.

As my luck would have it the gas station was fresh out of gas cans although they did try to sell me a propane tank.

So… off we go to my apartment to get my trusty gas can (that’s never leaving my car again BTW so you know who to call if you run out of gas…) and go back to the gas station. I think I was clawing my own arms at this point… I can’t even believe this is real life.

I was able to get the gas and get to a station to fill ‘er up and get myself some oil. I was thinking a lot of things… like how when you actually have someone to call and help you it’s a really nice thing. So, here I am still in my work clothes and attempting to put oil in my car for the drive. It was at this point in time I hear, “Let me help you!” God, is that you? I can’t make this stuff up, ya’ll.

I was on the phone with E relaying my ordeal when I turn and see this older man walking towards me. “Here, let me help you,” he says again.

And, guess what? I let him. Because it’s nice to be helped. I’m so over having to do everything myself. Yeah, I can put oil in my own car but heck… So anyway, I hung up the phone with E and started talking to Will who told me he was a traveling preacher and he used to be a mechanic. I told him I was headed to a half marathon and he prayed over my car and then said, “May God bless you, love you, and keep you safe.” Life is crazy sometimes and who knows what kind of angels God puts in our way just when we really need it.

I finally made it to Nashville a couple of hours later and met up with my posse to head to the expo to get our packets and some freebies.

Me & my bestie C – this was her last 1/2 in her 30s and my first!

I’m now a professional giver of blood

wouldn’t be me if there wasn’t a butt joke involved

After the expo we headed to the Old Spaghetti Factory (where our waiter proceeded to call me “Pippy Longstockings” for the duration of our meal) to carb it up!

C’s husband snapped this of us while we were waiting on a table. Looks like we’re doing some shady dealings, right?

After dinner we headed back to the hotel to relax and prepare for race day! The rest of my posse, my two cousins, were still in transit so I made myself comfortable watching the Bruce Jenner interview while they took their sweet time getting to the hotel.

I think it was around two hours after they were supposed to get there they text me:

“We’re here!”

They then proceed to call me. It went a little something like this:

“We’re here!”

“Where? In the lobby?” I get off the bed and start getting shoes on.

“No, outside your room! 211, right?”

I walk to the door, open it… No one there. Poke my head outside. Nothing.

“Umm, no one is outside of my room.”

“You’re at the Guesthouse hotel, right?!”

“Yes.”

“Next to the Opryland?”

“No.”

This is when I hear hyena laughter on the other end of the phone.

“You’re NOT?”

“No, I’m at the one on whatever-the-street-is!”

More laughing. Clearly they are delirious.

“We’ve been standing outside this room, 211, knocking and saying, ‘Room service!'”

God help us.

Finally… they show up at the correct hotel.

I love those crazy girls. Saturday arrived too soon but man was I ready!

Okay, I have to give a shoutout to E for MAKING my running shirt!! How sweet was that?! She brought it over to me one night… she kills me. So it’s a joke that I always say, “I may run slower than a herd of turtles through peanut butter but at least I run…” Hence the turtle 🙂

RACE DAY!!

My cousins and I made a pact to pace together so we all got matching bib names… “CuzzinLuvin” – yeah, we’re from the South.

About to cross the start line!!

We met C in the lobby Saturday morning so we could all ride together to the start line. She meets me with this: “What’d you do… get up this morning and get ready for prom?” … Yes, yes, I did.

Now to the fun stuff… I was honestly feeling AMAZING until about mile 9. We even stopped for “Selfies at Seven!” There are bands playing all along the way, groups of people out on the street cheering you on, giving you high fives, throwing water on you… it’s awesome! My mental state was kind of starting to crumble on me around 9 and it was tough to push through that mile… 10 was good but by 11 I was starting to be in physical pain. I can’t even begin to describe how tight my body was. It was the weirdest feeling. I wasn’t in excruciating pain but it was definitely hurting. I really, really, really was aiming for under 3 hours but we ended up crossing the finish line at 3:10… But, I am so proud!!! It was my first time and I have plenty of time to start working on my time goals.

Side Note:

Two Rules for Porta-Pottys in a 1/2 Marathon:

1. The main goal is to not pee or poop on yourself.

2. Keep your eyes straight ahead. Don’t look in the hole. Don’t look on the floor. Or the wall. Just save yourself mental scarring and don’t do it.

IT IS DONE!!!

Nothing like making memories with friends!

Now I know why people take ice baths… I wanted to lay in a whole tub of ice water.

I know running isn’t really a team sport, but in a way it kind of is… you’re immediate comrades because of your shared love of the run. Any race I’ve ever done has felt that way… you get some super duper motivation and charge from being around other runners. Several of the moments when I was tempted to slow down I got that extra push from the environment. It makes a huge difference. Running a half marathon was one of the best things I have ever done. I definitely would love to do another one but I feel especially lucky I got to do it with some of my favorite people! Life is so good. Don’t ever let people tell you you cannot do something. Or that it’s not worth it. Or too difficult. Or you don’t have the skills or the mindset or the determination. Nothing is impossible if you set your mind to it… I know that’s so cliché but it’s true. YOU are the only thing stopping you from being amazing.

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

Bruises

April 14, 2015 by patty lauren 2 Comments

I’m a bruiser. It doesn’t take much to leave a nice smattering of deep purple and green on my body. I think I have about eight right now. They’re slowly fading, but I know I acquired some new ones on my hike this past weekend.

Sometimes bruises can be hidden, but more often than not they’re going to be loud and proud. Sometimes it takes a long time for them to go away… they’re a constant reminder of pain. A reminder of struggle. They’re ugly. They’re flawed. They make a feel a little less beautiful or handsome.

A friend of mine and I were recently talking about this “year of transition” we are both experiencing. Growing and becoming a better person is non-stop. The days I start to feel a little “comfortable” with where I am is when I actually feel the worst. I start thinking about the past, I get frustrated, I feel defeated, I feel like I’m not doing enough, I become restless, my anxiety goes into high drive… on and on and on. Since I am all about honesty with the topics I choose to share with my readers, it’s no lie when I say those days are really hard. I can easily become consumed with having an enormous and successful pity party for one.

Those days are the ones where I have to remember to shift. I have to regroup. I have to be willing to be bruised. Over and over again. To make myself tougher. To not settle for being mediocre. To never become complacent. The only person we’re in competition with is ourselves and if you are lying around doing the same thing day in and day out you are not going to change. God is not going to swoop down and shine some shining light on you and *voila* you are a different person. God gave us free will. No one is going to do it for you. Remember: if you’re not happy with yourself no one else will be either.

Change is slow. Good change, anyway. We’re all familiar with quick changes. They’re often short, aren’t they? They’re easy and fleeting. Good changes are the difficult ones. The ones that take months or years to culminate into something tangible. And, some are never finished. The internal growth of ourselves has to be constant because as I said above – as soon as you are in a good place… you’re going to find yourself falling. The moment you think everything is “great” is the moment the rug gets pulled out from under you.

My newfound love of hiking is probably the cause of most of my most recent bruises but it has shown me things about myself I never thought possible. Everyone has different reasons for being out in nature be it love of beauty, exercise or adventure.

I enjoy hiking for all of those reasons but being me I had to look for that deeper meaning to really correlate with my life. It’s a lot of patience with a little pain. I’ve always struggled with being impatient. I want to fix a situation now. I want my prayer answered now. You know what the problem with that is a lot of the times? I. It is a constant journey of surrender and learning. I can’t fix everything. I can’t make all the wrongs right. I can’t control most of the situations that I want to, but I can control myself and my own progress.

Hiking has taught me to be patient. I can’t rush my way to the top or bottom. I can’t skimp to get there faster. I have to take it step by step. I have to look for the grooves in the rock to grasp with my hands and the places to stick my feet to pull me up. If I’m not patient I could slip and hurt myself or worse. It has taught me I have to slow down. I have to survey my progress and make the next intentional step. I have to remember I am making the progress as long as I keep going. I am becoming stronger.

One of my friends asked me yesterday, “What keeps you motivated?” That’s such a loaded question. A lot of things keep me motivated. But, the one thing I have to say is the constant is what I said above – the only person I’m in competition with is myself. I do it for the satisfaction I get when I look in the mirror. I do it for remembering where I was just four weeks ago and where I am now. I do it knowing at 30 years old I’m on my way to the best shape I’ve ever been in. I know where I’m going. And, it’s not just the physical. The physical is easy compared to the internal workouts I’ve been doing. They’re the workouts that go on 24/7. They’re the ones that really hurt. They’re the ones that matter because those are the ones that affect everyone else around me. I’m motivated to be my very best.

One of my favorite songs to listen to when I workout is Justin Timberlake’s “TKO”…

Baby, everyday in training to get the gold That’s why your body’s crazy But you can’t run from yourself, that’s where it’s difficult

Physical. Mental. Emotional. Spiritual. The training never stops. Stop running from your weaknesses. Face them head on and knock them out.

Bruises remind you that you’re moving. They remind you that you are human and vulnerable but you are not breakable.

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