Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Bubble Baths & Cupcakes

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It’s a funny thing when you start taking care of your body – you feel so much better. I know, it’s a crazy concept… lift heavy weights, do HIIT, run sprints – but you feel better?! WHAT? Okay, I might be being a little sassy. Hang with me.

Before I changed my lifestyle my body was actually in a lot of pain at times. I have a mild case of scoliosis and my back used to hurt me a lot… like, all the time. It wasn’t unbearable it was just uncomfortable and ached a lot. Inevitably the back pain would channel itself into a headache. Some weeks I would be fine and not have pain for days and some I would be popping Tylenol like candy.

On top of back pain I also had severe stomach pain. “My stomach hurts” was a daily comment. I could have dealt with the back pain but the stomach pain was a continual, every day thing. I hate going to the doctor, but I made a half hearted attempt to get some answers a couple of years ago with not much help other than “it could be your gallbladder.” Um, no. Deep down I knew my stomach issues probably stemmed from my lifestyle choices, but I wasn’t ready to change them. That’s the thing with change – you can half do it or you can do it all the way. I wasn’t ready to fully commit to changing – isn’t it funny how sometimes we would rather deal with continual pain (and this could be in any part of our lives) rather than just make a decision to change and deal with a temporary pain in order to change our lives?

Since I changed my eating and began my commitment to the gym my stomach hurts about 1% of the time now. You know when it hurts? Well, unfortunately for me it hurts when I eat too much dairy. Which explains a lot – growing up in a frozen yogurt store and eating yogurt all of my life probably contributed to most of my stomach issues. In moderation I have found I am okay but if I overdo it, I pay for it big time. Other things I’ve always known hurt my stomach are the same, but dairy was the big one and now I know how to moderate it.

As far as my back – I haven’t had problems in months. I’m sure shedding 30 lbs this year alone and 40 lbs total  helped take some stress off of my back, but I believe the strength training and conditioning has helped make it stronger. I actually couldn’t remember the last time I had back pain until last week… which is what made me think of this topic anyway. I found myself relaxing in a hot bath and yep, you guessed it… eating protein cupcakes. It’s a far cry from bubble baths and jazz music and candles and wine Fridays but somehow soaking in a hot tub because my back hurt and shoveling cupcakes made out of protein powder and egg whites into my mouth because I was in that magic hour of the anabolic window seemed more productive at the moment. And, thank God this is temporary… cause Momma needs a real cupcake.

I know there are true physical pains and issues that working out and being healthy can’t “fix”, but I truly believe a lot of the issues we find ourselves facing or complaining about can be alleviated or remedied completely if we will believe it really is as simple as starting to live a more healthy lifestyle. I join the masses of my other fit friends who want to scream bloody murder when I see another pill, powder, or drink that promises to change your life. You know why we buy into this junk? Because it seems EASY. And, sure, it’ll work for awhile – most of us have tried something like this at one point or another, but is it sustainable? No. Is it healthy? No. What does it teach you? Nothing. It’s easy. These things also cost $$$. You know how much a fit body costs? Basically nothing. You’re already spending money on food – buy better food. All you’re paying for is a gym membership, if that. But, so many of us would rather shell out hundreds of dollars for “supplements” and jump starters and fillers because they promise quick results. It’s madness!

I just had this conversation with someone talking about If It Fits Your Macros (you can read more about why I follow IIFYM here) and how counting macros is the most sustainable way of eating (for me, anyway). I have always believed in the saying of “everything in moderation” – now, obviously I did not always practice this but I do whole heartedly believe in this. I would highly recommend reading this recent article from CBS News about IIFYM – it really breaks it down for those who think us IIFYM followers go around eating doughnuts and pizza all day. Sure, I could eat two doughnuts and that’s it for the rest of the day but that’s not sustainable and I’d be even more hungry than before. So, I eat REAL food… and if I have some room left in my fats and carbs I’ll enjoy a “treat.” I don’t do it every day and especially now I’m not doing it at all but once in a while is not going to kill you.

I had this conversation with someone very recently – you can restrict, restrict, restrict and at some point you are going to snap. Trust me, I know this first hand. If you cut out every single thing you enjoy you are either going to rebound really hard, start binge eating, or gain back everything you lost. Life is too short not to enjoy – so, if you want a piece of pizza (or two or three) – eat them… but, do it in moderation. And, time your carbs before and after workouts. And, eat your protein. And, eat GOOD FAT.

The End.

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

 

Bikini Blues

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This week puts me at six weeks out from one of the biggest things I have ever set out to do. It may seem silly to some people, but I haven’t set such a lofty goal for myself since graduating college. If you see me staring off into space chances are I am not thinking about my love life, but I am thinking about prepping for my competition. Or, I am thinking about food. Working hard, keeping a strong mental game… it’s consumed my every day life. For now. It’s not permanent and I am very glad to start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and to resume a more normal life, but for now this is the most important thing I have going on.

I have had to make time to rest, I have had to say no to going out and doing things, I have had to sacrifice a lot… No one has asked me to do this, but I have chosen to do it. I am learning big lessons in self discipline and self control and I don’t think I ever would have learned them if I had not decided to enter this competition.

After a restful holiday weekend and getting back on track with getting good amounts of sleep, I want to hit on a few aspects I’ve been thinking about the past couple of weeks but honestly have been too tired to write about.

 

Food – (duh, of course this is gonna be first):

Some days I feel like Veruca Salt… “Cream buns and doughnuts and fruitcake with no nuts
So good you could go nuts…” Forget the golden goose and all that – just gimme all the sweets. I find myself perusing the aisles of my local shopping haunts just to lust after the packaged goods. I find myself thinking about what everything tastes like and the texture and the smell. I guess I am learning to appreciate my senses, right? I also have found myself wanting to eat things I never have before or didn’t think I would like, etc. I suppose it’s the whole “you can’t have this” so you want it philosophy.

In ways, it has gotten easier. But, in other ways it is getting extremely difficult. I am so close, but I have  deprived myself so long of certain things that I spend a lot of time thinking about eating anything and everything I can’t eat. It’s not really a good place to be – that’s why prep is temporary.

I have a few things that I am planning on enjoying… Part of my traveling posse is coming up the evening before I leave for Memphis to go grocery shopping with me for a few goodies. Right now I know the three things that are on my list:

Reeses

Brownie Batter Oreos

Pizza (remember, I’m having it shipped from Giordanos in Chicago. Yes, I am crazy.)

Oh, and a VENTI Starbucks. Immediately after the show is over. Gimme dat Sbux!

One of my friends going is also making me some type of decadent Reeses brownies so there’s that. I know I’m probably going to have a real bad tummy ache, so I am going to genuinely just try to have a few bites of each thing and not go crazy. I’ve read too many stories about post show rebound and I’m not wanting to experience that in any way.

I have learned so much and know enough that I am cautious but not worried about my eating habits post-show. I’m looking forward to setting new goals in the gym and eating to fuel my body.

The Whys:

Someone said to me recently, “Why a bikini competition? Do you really need to get in a bikini in front of a bunch of strangers to have them tell you you’re pretty? I can do that for you without you having to go to all that trouble.” WHUT. If anyone thinks I am doing this to be told I’m “pretty”, you really don’t know me and/or you really have no idea what a fitness competition entails.

First of all – I am a naturally very shy person. I’m an introvert (an INTJ for you Myers Briggs lovers) and it takes me awhile to come out of my shell with people. It takes a lot of time and me being comfortable. And, while I’m a lover of a good selfie and OOTD (outfit of the day) picture I don’t post a bunch of pictures of my body all over the internet, etc. That’s just not who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that, in my eyes, but I choose not to do that at this point.

This is not an ego stroke or a self esteem boost. I don’t know why anyone would put themselves through the literal hell, at times, of prep just to be told they’re pretty or they have a good body. Think about it. A normal competition prep is usually at least 12 weeks (I’ve been doing it longer), you are very restricted on food for the most part (carbs, anyone?), it’s expensive (suit, tan, shoes, jewelry, entry fees, membership fees, hotel, travel, gas, etc.), it’s isolating at times, you are in the gym at least 6 days a week and towards the end you are in there two or more times a day, and the hardest part… it’s a mental mind game. If you need to be told you’re pretty in a bikini, go throw one on and head down to your local bar. This is a fitness competition, not a who has the biggest … well, anyway.

I want to raise more awareness of what these competitions represent because I can understand what people think they are about… but it’s so much more than that. Even if I get up there and don’t place, I am getting up there to be judged on the work I have put in for hours. It’s a reflection of how strong I can be, how hard I have worked, how I have fallen down but gotten back up and tried again. I was very hurt when someone close to me told me they didn’t support me and believed what I was doing was not “Godly.” The Bible tells us our body is a temple – the Bible tells us not to be gluttons – Daniel fasted and ate only certain foods to draw closer to God. The Bible warns us against being drunkards, giving away our bodies, and defiling them. The Bible is full of examples of how important our physical bodies are to Christ. I have chosen to better my body that God gave me… it’s healthy, I have the ability to change it and to watch what I put inside of it – and far beyond the physical changes I have seen I have had so many more emotional and life changes because of this journey (more on that in another section).

This prep has taken everything out of me, twisted it around, put it back together, and is still hard every single day. I have learned so much about myself – I feel like I could do anything. I know I can do anything I set my mind to. I have seen too many good things and really had to learn to trust God so much in these past few weeks that I can’t imagine it not being a spiritual journey as well as a physical one.

I never set out on my fitness path to do a bikini competition. That was never a thought – I didn’t even know what they were! I set out to be a better me, to get my body fit and in shape, and to change my life. The competition was a by-product of that and gave me a huge goal to set for myself in so many areas. Once the competition is over, I will continue to set new goals and train. This is just a slice of the pie. PIE! Food… see, it always happens.

The Negatives:

It’s really been interesting that the amount of negative things have almost completely gone away from outside sources. I think people who doubted my intentions or doubted I would follow through have since realized differently and they have either fallen by the wayside or they are supporting me 100%. I feel extremely fortunate to have the support system I do, but more on that later.

Obviously, negatives are I am tired and hungry. I hit a wall about a week ago with my sleep and was told by a few key people in my life right now that I had to sleep or I was going to do myself more harm than good. So, getting my sleep has been top priority for me behind training and hitting my macro goals.

Washing dishes?! Yes, this is stupid but for real… I can only wash so many more Tupperware containers. I don’t have a dishwasher and my manicures are suffering.

Going to the gym more than once a day. I think it’ll be fine to go more than once every now and then, maybe, but once prep is over… once a day will be juuuuuuuust fine.

I know by following IIFYM I can really eat “anything” as long as it fits in my macro count, but I have gotten to the place where I’ve really tried to cut out the treats and just save my “fun” macros for peanut butter or a Lenny and Larry’s cookie or something like that. I’m apprehensive of fitting too many donuts or Starbucks in at this point. That works for some people, but for this being my first show and for having some of the binge eating episodes I have had, I just want to really try and keep things locked down until the end.

That being said – it’s been very difficult to go to fun social events or go out of town and watch other people eat cupcakes or ice cream or snack all day and have to constantly refrain or say no. It’s wearing on me. But, the end is near…

The Positives:

I saved this for last because it’s my favorite. No one can tell me God has not has His hand completely in my life the past several months. From the emotional and mental changes to the physical… I know I wouldn’t have been able to come this far without relying on my God.

One of the goals my therapist set for me this summer was to get out and meet more people and try to make more friends. This isn’t something I’ve really elaborated on, but I feel like this just shows how things can work together. I’ve always been someone who waited until someone wanted to be friends with me first. I’ve never sought out relationships of any kind. Of course I could get down into the whys of this but that’s not something I’m touching on today. The point is since that conversation with her I have made more new friendships or really started to get to know people I didn’t know that well before. I have had more support from people that I never would have thought would have supported me or even knew who I was than I could ever have imagined.

I get daily text messages of encouragement from so many people or I will see someone out in town and they will say just the smallest bit of encouragement to me… they have no idea how I cling to these jewels right now. Those things get me through. They give me strength. That’s why I am such a proponent now of telling people things when you want to – don’t think “Oh, they’ve heard that. Oh, someone else is telling them that.” NO. Tell them. Encourage them. You have no idea if your words are the very ones that gets someone to make a better decision, or to turn away from something harmful, or just get them through another day.  

People will come up to my and ask me about what I’ve been doing, ask me questions about the competition. It’s become easier for me to start to come out of that shell I had around myself and engage with those around me. Partly because I feel completely comfortable with myself now but also because I realize that not everyone is out to get me or sabotage me and friendships and learning and growing through other people is a really wonderful, God given thing.

There are a couple of women in my life I have met recently that have become rocks in this journey and I know we will continue to develop friendships after October, but their advice and walking along beside me is sometimes the only thing that gets me through a day.

I have met so many awesome people and learned from them… They inspire me. The people I have met in the fitness industry and those who are heavily into this lifestyle are some of the nicest, most genuine, and kind people I have ever met in my life. I would have thought the opposite before I got into all of this, but I have found no jealousy, no competitive comments, no judgments… only lifting up, encouragement, help, advice, and complete acceptance.

People who were my friends but have since disappeared out of my life or laughed off my goals or admitted they feel I am competition to them… those are sad moments for me, but I realize those chapters are over. Some I have had to close myself and it’s not something the old Patty Lauren would have done. It would have killed me to shut doors completely, but I can do it now because I am strong and I am learning a little bit more what is and isn’t beneficial to my future.

People who I didn’t think would support me or maybe I have had bumpy moments with have stepped up, told me how proud they are of me, been incredibly supportive, genuinely interesting in what is going on… It just goes to show you really cannot judge how someone is going to react. Sometimes the very people we think will abandon us are the ones who give us those pep talks and bits of encouragement that we need.

—

Entering the home stretch… hard days are every day as I face temptations and challenges and try to keep focused, but no matter what… everything I have gained outweighs every sacrifice. Caitlin, my trainer, always tell me: “Finish strong!!” She’s full of good quotes but that is one of my favorites and one I have to keep reminding myself of.

Regardless of what came before or of what has yet to come, what matters most is how you choose to respond to the challenge in front of you. Will you lie down or will you fight? The choice is yours. Choose to Finish Strong! -Dan Green

Overnight

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This past weekend was Labor Day… BBQs, friends, the last bit of sunshine… saying goodbye to summer. This week also marks 6 months since my life went through an upheaval and I decided to change my world. Looking back at where I was it is so surreal to know it has been such a significant amount of time that has passed. Six months of major work – emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical. Six months of having moments where breathing was difficult. Six months of plenty of tears, anger, and confusion. Six months of moments of wanting to give up, throw in the towel, lay down on the couch and not get back up. Six months of having so many moments of just wanting to say “forget this” and keep doing the easy thing.

But, it has also been six months of working every single day to be better. Every. Single. Day. Six months of absurdly early mornings, late nights, long work days. Six months of pushing through the mental pain, through the physical pain, through the doubt, through the challenges. Six months of falling down A LOT, but getting back up and dusting myself off and going at it again. Six months of getting punched in the guts by life, but learning to fight back and be strong. Who I was in March is not the girl I am now. I’ll never be that girl again. I’m still me – I’m just more me than I ever have been before. I wish I could say I don’t have days anymore where I’m not angry or sad, but that would be a lie. Just because we choose to change our lives, choose to be better, choose to walk away from situations… we can’t shut off any negative feelings. We don’t get to pick all the good moments and forfeit all the ugly ones.

I’m still a work in progress. I’ve had a lot of slipups during this “journey” – the only thing that makes these moments worth it are that after each one I never laid there and wallowed in it (too long) or let it break me. I got up and tried again. Each time made me stronger. It is almost unbelievable to me to see where I am and to look back at where I was six months ago. To start anything is so scary – you know what’s even more scary? To think where you’re going to be three months down the road… six months down the road… a year down the road. To me, THAT is the scary thing. Because, what if you fail? What if it’s not what you think it will look like? What if you’re not different? What if, what if, what if.

This time was different – I didn’t think about what things were going to look like. I just had to start. Sure, I had hopes and I’ll tell you now – none of them came to pass like I wanted. I’ve had to completely trust God and like throwing confetti up in the air, let the pieces land where they may and trust this was how it was meant to happen. When I have tried to control certain situations they just became worse… lesson here: sometimes you have to let go of the need to control. I feel like I have written about this so much and it’s because this is a huge struggle for me. Not being in control is scary and the unknown can be terrifying at times.

I think most people think that just this past six months has been a journey of fitness and while it has and more recently it’s been a huge part of it, it’s really been a journey of healing, restoration, and changing who I am on the inside. It’s been hard. And, I have to make a deliberate decision every day to work at it. It can be overwhelming and exhausting. Just like losing weight and becoming fit, there is no magic pill. It takes two things: hard work and dedication. It’s saying “No” to yourself when you want to give in, it’s depriving yourself of all those things that feel good in the moment but just wreck your emotional state later, it’s recognizing situations and people for who they are not who you want them to be, it’s recognizing the ugly parts of yourself that need to be trimmed and weeded, it’s admitting when you’re wrong, when you’ve been hurtful… it’s not pretty. Change is not pretty. You don’t look at a cocoon and say, “Wow, look how gorgeous that is!” There is nothing pretty about it. But, what comes out is what’s beautiful. It’s made beautiful through struggle and refinement, through solitude and deprivation, through darkness and moments of near suffocation.

So, no, just because I lost 40 lbs and I’m not crying in a bowl of pasta does not a champion make. It’s the daily choice to move forward… it doesn’t really get any easier. I wish I could say it did, believe me. I know I wanted it to be easier. I wanted a cure-all, but that’s not the way life works. The temptations are the same, lots of feelings are the same, circumstances are the same, the world is the same… the only thing that is different is me. You change only to find the same storms swirling around you. Beckoning you to meld into the same-old-same. It’s easier than standing against the forces. But, you’ve been there and you know what it looked like to be a part of the storm and you don’t want that anymore. So, you stand against the winds and the dirt that gets slung on you and you resolve to not go back. To continue to walk forward, to be strong…

This weekend I went out of town for a little mini getaway – mostly to get some rest. I’ve been going so hard for a couple of months and it’s caught up with me. My body is physically run down and exhausted and with my upcoming competition I have to slow down and cut some things out for now. I want to think I can do 110% every day, but unfortunately I can’t right now and I’m okay with that. I’m still pretty tired, but I had such a great weekend with people I love and I feel so much better. More on that later, but it worked out kind of cool it was six months since things have been different for me. I picked up a little reminder to myself of where I’ve been and where I’m going…

Untitled picture

It’s never been easy and it’s still not easy, but it’s been worth everything I’ve given up, everything that’s been taken away, and more than that… everything that’s been gained.

“Overnight”

[Chorus:]
 If it all just happened overnight,
You wouldn’t know how much it means
If it all just happened overnight,
You would never learn to believe
In what you cannot see…

There’s somethin’ to be said for experience.
Who knows what’s ahead. Keep on goin’.

 

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

Just the Way You Are

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As I started writing this blog, I was drinking a cup of Pumpkin Spice black coffee and listening to the “All Out 70s” Spotify playlist. The morning had started like any other… up at 4:30am to head to the gym and get a workout in – and it was fabulous. For a couple of weeks I’ve felt like I’ve been off my game a little bit, but this particular morning I got it back. I spent almost an hour and a half lifting – making deliberate moves, working on my mind/muscle connection, listening to music, talking to God (I do that a lot while I workout), admiring my new Nike Air Max sneakers. You know, important stuff.

It was in those moments that I realized my initial fears and anxiety of going into the gym by myself had completely faded away. Being the only girl in the weight section would have made me puke four months ago – now I don’t even think about it. I know what I’m doing, I’m confident and proud… I don’t worry about what other people think because I am too busy concentrating on what I’m doing. I worked really, really hard to get to this point… it’s emotional for me because I know there are so many other people out there that felt like I have before and I wish I could make them all know what potential they have and to not be scared. Don’t ever let anyone or anything make you feel like you can’t do ANYTHING you put your mind to. Don’t waste months of your life thinking about changing when you can just start doing it and look back and go, “WOW”.

I got home and the sun was coming up and I just felt such peace. Fall does something to me. People liken spring to new beginnings but to me, fall is when magic happens. It’s my favorite time of the year – it’s the feeling you get on the first morning you walk outside your door and you feel that crisp little bite of air through the fading summer heat. It’s the midday sunshine that shines hot on your face but the air is void of the heavy humidity that weighs you down in the summer. It’s the way the sunlight looks in the mornings… softer, more gentle. It’s the sweaters you start pulling out in the evenings because the air is beginning to get cool and your warm summer skin isn’t quite acclimated to the change yet. It’s the way the air smells, the way some of the leaves are already beginning to change colors as they hang on to the last few weeks of summer. It’s that little extra pep in my step as I think about pumpkin patches and picking apples, haunted houses and and making new memories… hosting parties and making chili, lighting candles and cooking dinner, sitting on the front porch with the record player on, leaving the windows open and letting the breeze blow through the screen door.

I know that I am still going to have hard days – I am still going to cry over something stupid or feel like I’m not doing enough – but all those feelings are temporary. The tears dry, the hard days get better, I realize I am doing enough… all you can do it work hard and do the best you can do. No one can expect more than that. I know God is all around me… kind of like those gutter guards at the bowling alley. I’m a bowling ball and sometimes I get a little off track and head toward the ditch, but God is there to bump me back on the road and set me on the path to knock life out.

Look around you. Soak up every moment and squeeze everything you can out of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Because all of those moments remind you why you want to change, why you have changed… why the journey is never done. Take a minute today to slow down and look around you – we all have so much to be thankful for. Open your eyes to the beauty around you and dare to take a chance.

“Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.”

The Beatles

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

I’m Doing a What???

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If you have read my blog any the past few months you may remember reading about me saying I had set some pretty big goals for myself. Or, if you follow me on Instagram you may have seen a few hashtags about bikinis and competition and prep. A few of you reading this already know what I am talking about and I am finally ready to share what all this craziness has been about with everyone else. A few months ago I decided to compete in a fitness competition. If you knew the old me you are probably thinking I have really lost my mind. This is so far from my comfort zone it ain’t even funny. But, hey, I’m doing it!

When someone first suggested it to me, I said, “Noooooo not meeeeee. Das not for me.” Because when I thought of a fitness competition I thought about some super ripped up woman about twice my size and the color of a nice mahogany table passed down for several generations. However, the world of competing has progressed significantly from what I remember seeing as a kid and there are now several different types of divisions. For me, I chose to be a bikini competitor.

What does being a bikini competitor mean? Well, the top 5 girls out of each class place. The open classes are divided up by height and there is also a novice (first timer) class. I’ll be competing in both a novice class and an open class for my height. The competitors in bikini divisions are judged on their “proportion, symmetry, balance, shape and skin tone.” It also means getting up in front of lots and lots of people in a really tiny bikini. A very expensive, tiny bikini that will be glued on to my skin.

My Dad is SUPER excited I’ll be on a stage in dental floss. But, for real… he’s proud of me. He’ll just show up with a big black garbage bag to wrap me up in afterwards, I’m sure. It’s gonna be fun times.

Why a bikini competition? Because I wanted to do something so huge it scared me. I wanted to push myself and push my body and push my mental state (which actually is way harder than the physical part – just FYI). I wanted to do something so far outside of what I was comfortable with because I want to GROW. I may do this once and never do it again. Or, maybe I’ll find a new hobby. That’s not the point. And, while I am learning as the weeks get closer I am really eyeing a trophy, I will be okay if I don’t place. Because, just doing this will be a huge accomplishment and something I will never forget.

And, while this is for me I have also learned it’s not just about me. It’s about my family who have been so supportive of this crazy idea, my friends who text me every day encouragements and pump me up and give me crazy nicknames and promise me Reeses and listen to me talk about what I’m going to eat after the competition is over, it’s about the phenomenal women I have met who are going through the same thing or have already been through a competition and have become my friends, it’s about the friends I have made through this whole journey and while they tell me I have inspired them they have no idea how they inspire me. It’s about learning my limits, my weaknesses, my strengths. And, it’s about all the thanks I will be able to give to people who have supported me and put up with my cranky, hungry butt… especially on those low carb days when I feel half human. And, all the people who have had to deal with me heating up fish at work for the past four months.

Since this is all out in the open now I am going to probably be writing quite a bit about the competition. I am excited but super nervous right now. I have a lot of work to do between now and then. This week I am officially 10 weeks out from the competition date. 10 WEEKS!!!

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So what is happening in the next 10 weeks? Well, as you know, I have received my lucite stripper heels… I’m sorry, “competition footwear”. Which will, obviously, be the easiest part of this whole deal because anyone who knows me knows I already walk around in 5″ stilettos most days anyway. I’ll be ordering my custom bikini soon (anyone wanna guess what color it is?!), paying for posing lessons, eating my life away in protein, counting macros all the day long, doing cardio 4-5 days a week (which I’ve already been doing for awhile) along with my daily lifting, drinking almost 2 gallons of water a day, trying to get plenty of sleep, and trying not to go crazy. Part of competition prep is leaning out, which means… yep, all those new clothes I just bought in the smallest size known to man will probably not fit. But, that part will be temporary. I’ll slowly work my way back up, after the competition, to where I am now weight wise. So, cue the “you look sick” comments now but just remember it’s not permanent and I have a lot of help in doing what I’m doing. Part of the reason I have picked up extra work hours (besides keeping my mind busy) is to help with competition costs. Once you add up your “apparel”, hair/nails/makeup, travel costs, food, posing lessons, a $100 spray tan (yes, you read that right), and any other extras it gets to be a little pricey. I’m planning on doing a lot of things on my own like my hair and makeup, etc. but there are some things I just have to bite the bullet on and spend the money.

But, the real excitement will be the pizza I am ordering from Giordano’s in Chicago to be shipped to my front door to devour after competition day. Yes, I am ordering pizza from Chicago. And, it will be epic. Oh, and probably the largest sweet tea from Chick-fil-A with extra extra ice. Yeeeeeaaahhhh buddy!

While the pizza will be exciting, I am really excited to do this and have the support of my loved ones. This has kind of become a group effort and to me that is really cool. Aside from graduating high school and college I haven’t done anything that has been a goal I’ve worked at for awhile. And, I didn’t really get to share my graduations with a lot of people so this competition is way more than just a competition – it’s a huge moment in my life that I get to share with the people I care about the most.

Hopefully I will get to celebrate a placement but even if I don’t, I will have come so far and done so much and had the best support system and really, what else could any of us ask for when we are going through life?

So, here’s to stripper heels, tiny bikinis, and a whole lotta crazy…

      until next time, xoxo… patty lauren