Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Hungry Hearts

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Recently, I was asked to speak at a career day for a group of Kindergarteners. I must have been either having a weak moment or smoking some cheap drugs when I agreed, but agree I did. I am no public speaker – it actually terrifies me. But, branching out – right? It’s been a long time since I’ve been up in front of a group, but I’m used to being around kids anyway so of course they were the best audience I could have asked for.

Since it was career day, several of them had dressed up for the occasion. One little girl was a “veterinarian” complete with scrubs and a stethoscope (“It really works!”) She leaned up on her tiptoes and put the round metal disc to my heart. Her little face scrunched together and her bright blue eyes got very serious. She took the stethoscope away and said very matter-of-factly, “You’re hungry!”, and walked away.

We all have hungry hearts. Hunger for love, hunger for safety, hunger to be needed, hunger for friendship, hunger to be understood… An empty feeling we are needing to be filled. We need that emptiness to be filled – just like our stomachs alert us we are hungry, so do our hearts. And, much like filling our stomachs with either a Big Mac or a salad we have choices on what we fill that emptiness with.

Filling our hearts isn’t as simple as opening a bag of lettuce or going through a drive-thru, but we do and can easily find “drive-thru” solutions to temporary fill the hunger in our hearts. We can fill that hole with damaging relationships, with food and alcohol, with surrounding ourselves with people who don’t want the best for us or influence us in negative ways. We can fill it with drugs or even sleep. These are all temporary fixes.

The only way to fill our hungry hearts is with long term and loving relationships, with delicate care to our heart and mindfulness to protect it but also leaving it open enough to give and receive love and to surround ourselves with like minded people who push us to be better. But, the most lasting way to fill our hearts so they are never hungry again is with the love of our Heavenly Father.

Maybe you feel discarded. Abandoned. Even untouchable. Maybe you have made decisions or choices you wish you could take back. Maybe you blame yourself for life’s unforeseen circumstances. Maybe you have been hurt. Maybe you feel like you’re not enough. You are not unworthy. You are a special creation. You have immense value. You possess characteristics and traits that are unique to you. You have gifts to share with those around you. You are a gift to your family and your friends. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of forgiveness and worthy of a second chance. We all are.

Sometimes, we may not receive forgiveness or love from our human peers. We may feel rejected. We become frustrated and restless. This is a part of life. We ache for acceptance and love and too often, we find it fleeting. Our Heavenly Father loves us and forgives us. Continually. Everyday. For ever misstep, for every moment of regret… He forgives us. His grace is sufficient. His love is sufficient. He will never leave us or forsake us. No matter how bad we screw up He will never let us stay in the dirt alone. He will pull us up and put His arms around us and walk us home. No matter how dark the valley gets He is there.

He knows each one of our heart’s individual hungers and if we would just open our hands and let Him (yes, let) take care of us, our hearts will never be hungry again. We may yearn for earthly things but God knows each need, want and desire and He promises us that He will give us the desires of our heart. If we will only let Him.

I’ll leave you with some lines from the song “Restless” by Audrey Assad

“In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I’m restless, I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You
I am restless, I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, ’til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You”

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

Throwing off the Bowlines

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  I recently mentioned in my post “Rooting” the importance of growing outside your comfort zone and doing new things or things you may have done before or not done for awhile. The importance of branching out.  For me, part of that has involved hiking.

You know what’s even better than spreading your wings a little bit? Surprising people. While you may not look at me and say, “oh yeah – that girl… she likes to hike!”, you should know if I am going to do something I am going to do it and do it well. I’m going to give it my all. Someone once told me I’m the type to “go big or go home.” So, when I start trying to get a group of people who have been hiking a lot more than me to crawl over some boulders with bolted in cables to get to an overhang 2,000 feet above the ground I know I’m doing something right.

The title of this post comes from my favorite quote of all time. I have it posted up at my house, I have quoted it in speeches… it’s the reminder some of us constantly need.

   “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you   didn’t do than by the ones you did do. 

So throw off the bowlines. 

Sail away from the safe harbor. 

Catch the trade winds in your sails. 

Explore. 

Dream. 

Discover.” – Mark Twain

Starr Mountain

My first visit to Starr Mountain was more than 5 years ago and truly deserves its own story so I won’t go into it at this present time. Five years and a lot of life later, I was ready to go back and have a fresh start. And, get my feet wet for some more hiking adventures!

The afternoon my friends and I went was absolutely perfect. The sun was shining, there was a slight breeze and no humidity (praise the Saints).

It had been a long time, but my body quickly remembered why my first experience had been so, ahem, memorable. But, this time was different. Sometimes all you need is a little space, a fresh perspective, and a new attitude to try something again and maybe this time around… it just seems right.

One of the people in our group brought their dog (Grace Kelly would have walked herself off a cliff so I didn’t bring her) so that was even more fun to watch her scamper along and splash around in the water that led up to the mountain. Dogs and children – they appreciate the simple things we as adults who are so consumed in the outcomes we miss the small pleasures on the life climb.

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Always with a camera in my hand

If you get the chance to visit our beautiful area you should get some first hand acquaintance with this spot. I really believe I live in the most beautiful state in America. I love my home. That’s the cool thing about traveling – it makes you appreciate your roots even more than before. Okay… rabbit trail. Back to the hike.

I set off to find this overhang I had visited on my first hiking trip to the mountain, but it was evident I wasn’t going to be able to find the way. The path is hidden and since it’s been such a long time and the person who led before wasn’t with us, I had to finally relent and admit I couldn’t find it. Much to the appreciation of a couple people in our group, I’m sure. Next time!!

There are so many places to stop and look out over the water and the mountain and be in absolute awe of nature and God’s creation. Untouched. Unmarred. Raw beauty. Of course, all those places to stand in awe are also good spots for photo ops… Especially when you get near to the top and you feel so insignificant.

I recently heard a song by Chris August called “The Maker” – check it out here. It sums up everything I felt on this particular day.

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Exhilaration.

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There is this unexplainable feeling when you’re outside in the middle of nature – a feeling of complete freeness. It puts life in perspective. It’s serene. It’s humbling.

We hiked up further to the top and found a good place to sit on the edge and relax. This is what life should be. It was easy. And, I don’t mean in the way that life should be “easy”, but oh how we complicate it so. We’re always in a hurry, always trying to be ahead…

  There was nowhere to be. No rush. No hurry. Just time. And, sunshine. And, friends. And, lots of laughter.

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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” – Elbert Hubbard

 

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Me & my friend E who is moving back out West next month. Incredibly thankful for her friendship!

We headed back down (thank God for the extra padding on my backside because there was some definite slippage) and decided to pull off on the side of the road where there was a sandy area on the water.

I love it when you’re with a group of people and someone suggests something that wasn’t necessarily part of the plan and everyone is game.

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The whole gang – party of 5!

There was an older man sitting across the river from us on a rock, fishing. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. Was this his therapy? To be out in the quiet – the rushing water easing his worries?

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Our four legged hiking buddy, Kiara

So… if you’re thinking about doing something a little out of your comfort zone, do it! If you keep doing the same thing, you will always be the same. Your results will always be the same. Do something different. Who knows, you may find a new love! As for me… I’ve already planned another longer hiking excursion coming up soon.

Until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

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Rooting

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Spring is officially here!

Ya’ll – life is good! We are so lucky to be given a new day each morning to make it awesome! I can’t wait to share some of the exciting things that have been going on recently.

Sometimes we have to do a little spring cleaning inside of ourselves. We clean the house, we clean the car, we prep for summer… often times we leave our self neglected. We become stale and stagnant and maybe even unpleasant to be around. Sometimes you have to root yourself in what you know, who you are, and stretch your branches.

Below are some ways I decided to spring clean myself and maybe they’ll be helpful to you, too.

Take a Break: I cut all ties with my social media accounts (even taking a break from M&W, publicly at least – I won’t tell you how many drafts I have sitting around on WordPress), which was a lot easier than I thought. I even considered not coming back at all. It’s been like throwing open a window and breathing this huge breath of air. I have felt more grounded and more like I am living my life than showing it or letting someone else’s “perfect snippets” of their life makes me feel about mine. I will definitely be doing social media a little different this time around.

If you’re bored and/or interested in reading more about how SM affects us I highly encourage two reads: Social Media Makes You Unhappy. Here’s What You Can Do About It. & 7 Things You Learn About (Real) Connection From Being Off the Grid for a Week.

Birds of a Feather: I’ve had the opportunity to really spend time with people that I’m close to and also spend some time with friends who have moved away. Our friends are the family we get to choose. One of my best friends, E, who has really blessed my life in more ways than I could ever explain is moving back out West at the beginning of May. These past few weeks have really given me an opportunity to spend quality time with her and even give in to some of her (good) peer pressure like donating blood for the first time (that story coming soon!)

My friend, Coco, who I call my “true blue” friend just bought her first home with her future husband and I was lucky enough to get to help them move in. It’s such an exciting time in life for so many people in my life… so happy for them!

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Full car & off to the new place!

 

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New Memories. Old Friends.

Get Up & Get Out: My body and I are starting to be really good friends again. We are talking 5:30am booty calls (it’s a workout term – get your mind out of the gutter), running in the evenings, biking, strength training, hiking (!! Anyone reading this who knows me knows this is major – can’t wait to share!), yoga for days… you get the picture. Over the past several weeks, I can count the days I “took off” on one hand. I took way too much time away from my body and my mental health by quitting the very things that help keep my whole being aligned. Not only are the physical benefits that I’m reaping pretty awesome, the way I feel after a hard run or a yoga session or a 2 hour solo bike ride is priceless. I won’t ever give that up again. Know what makes you a better you and don’t stop.

I know my go-tos to not only get my body in shape but to keep me mentally healthy, but this Spring is bringing some new activities. Of course I’ve mentioned hiking, but I also tried out a dance class with a friend recently.

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This was so much fun! It’s a great activities for a group of friends to go to or of course a date, but you switch partners throughout the night so don’t let thinking you have to bring a “date” stop you from going. RCDC meets weekly and it’s specifically for people who enjoy dancing but don’t necessarily want to go to a “club”. I believe the group has a page on Facebook – definitely check them out!

Intentional Living: Recently one night after yoga, I was bouncing out of the gym to my car and I took my sunglasses off and there was this magnificent sunset gracing the sky. A smattering of orange and blue and purple and pink – it wasn’t perfect or the most beautiful, but it was lovely. I rolled all the windows down in the car and took a little drive with the music blaring – it’s moments like that that I feel 100% alive and free. In yoga, we learn to set an intention before the beginning of the class. Maybe it’s to relax or to focus on something we are good at or something we want to accomplish the next day. Yoga is not without purpose. Such is life. Everyday, we can set an intention and strive to fulfill it. Maybe it’s to smile more. To bring some flowers to a friend who is going through a rough patch. Cleaning the car. Raking the leaves in the yard. They don’t have to be big. We put too much pressure on ourselves at times while we should be more intentional with our living instead of cramming as much junk into one day as we can.

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Front porch swinging devotions

 

Detox: I’m not necessarily talking about drinking kale and lemon juice for a few days although I hear that works pretty well. While I did do some body detoxing by cutting sugar, bread and general “crap” out of most of my diet and absolutely nothing but water, detoxing comes in other forms.

Detox the negative feelings that want to feed off of whatever you’re going through. Yes, ladies, I am talking to you – put down that glass of wine you’re drinking in the bathtub while crying over Pinterest quotes as Sam Smith plays in the background. You are on a slippery slope to becoming a seriously unproductive byproduct of society. Just say no. Seriously. Pull yourself together.

It’s good to feel your feelings, as they say, and I do plenty of it but at some point you have to stop catering to your feelings. Life is moving on without you. That’s why it’s imperative you take time for yourself when you need it and you rest in your situations and then move on. You learn your lesson and you turn yourself outward. Do something for someone else.

Tune out the people who continually want to complain instead of looking at the positive (we all know these people) – sometimes that means either completely cutting off a friendship or relationship or just taking a step back. Change your circumstances. Change yourself. Make yourself better. We can all stay pretty awesome being the same, but the truth is we’re all one day closer to dying and I’m not really satisfied doing the same things when I know I can be better – not just for myself but for those around me.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: They may be small acts, but really think about pushing yourself a little bit this year. Try something new. Don’t be one of those people who says, “I will never…” at the drop of a hat at the mention of an adventure. It took me a long time to get saying, “No” down, but this year I’m going to say “Yes” just a little more. Life is so full… Take advantage of it! I can’t wait to share some of the things I’ve been doing the past few weeks.

Choose to be happy. Choose to live intentionally. Choose to be someone other people want to be around because you’re a light in the midst of something dark they’re going through. Choose to not drag yourself down by comparing yourself to others. Choose to be the best version of yourself you can.

until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

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Easy Like Sunday Morning

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“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” – John Lubbock

Weekends are for exploration and excitement, but sometimes they are for rest and rejuvenation. I’m fortunate enough to live not far some of Tennessee’s most tranquil sites, which I decided to take advantage of this weekend.

Of course even if you are going off the grid you have to have the right outfit…

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{an oversized, white button down is always appropriate :: my turquoise Ralph Lauren cropped cabana pants have been in my wardrobe for awhile – they always come in handy on those low key relaxing days when you still need some style :: i’m currently obsessed with all things fedora (who isn’t, I know, but I’ve been on the hat trend for a good 15 years so I feel no shame) :: a perfect beach tote with sunscreen, towels and reading essentials (remember, when it comes to your beach tote less is more. No one wants five tubes of lip balm, a hairbrush, gum, etc. falling out all over the place. It’s not cute.) :: and while I am known for my shoes, I like the barefoot look whenever possible}

There is something about driving away from everything and everyone and enjoying a few hours without cell service. I like to call it ‘off the grid living’ – and sometimes it’s not just necessary, it’s mandatory.

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I drove with a couple of friends to a place two of my closest girlfriends and I dubbed “Walrus Beach” a couple summers ago. A lot of has changed in our lives since then, but it’s one of my favorite places… not necessarily because of the sand or the scenery, but because of the lasting memories I have made there. It’s not always about the location, but the love you have found in the strangest of places.

There is something raw about lying under the sky and seeing open space… of having the ability to let your mind wander, or remain quiet… of being in the company of unfettered friendship… of simply being.

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{the end}

she put on her shoes and ran

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Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up, it knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re the lion or a gazelle – when the sun comes up, you’d better be running. – Christopher McDougall

Most days, I feel like the gazelle – running from the ferocity of my thoughts and fears.

I started running at the end of the summer in 2013. I always wanted to run – I had the desire, but I was scared. I would see people running on the sidewalk on my daily drive back home from work, I would see people run on the weekends… Old people, young people. One thing they all had in common? They were free. To me, they looked like the most powerful creature I had seen with my own eyes. I doubted my own body and my own endurance. I ached to be free.

One of my best friends, C, was into running and made it seem doable – she gave me some good tips and we would run together sometimes. At the beginning, it was as hard as I thought it was going to be – I thought I was going to die. I knew I wouldn’t die, but it sure felt like it sometimes. When I first started, I was lucky if I could run for two minutes at a time. I started to run every day. I bought running shoes, running pants, running tops. I’m not going to buy stuff to wear if I’m not going to use it – so, obviously this was a serious endeavor if it was going to affect my wardrobe.

As the days grew shorter and my endurance grew longer, my friend, Z, had just come back from Colorado after being honorably discharged from the Military. He said he would run with me every day. And, that’s what we did. We ran in the rain, we ran in the freezing cold as the fall nights set in, we ran with our dogs, we ran alone… we just ran. He pushed me – when I needed to stop, he let me stop, but he encouraged me to push through it. I found that even if I was just “baby jogging” (going the pace slower than turtles through peanut butter – that’s a quote from somewhere) I kept moving. Z and I eventually ended our daily runs when I started running through the freezing temperatures in December and the pouring rain – apparently I’m a little more crazy than a military veteran.

While I love the times I get to run with my friends, the times I run alone are my favorite. The times I run alone are when my thoughts perfectly align – they stop being jumbled and confusing. Somehow, for thirty minutes or an hour, they make perfect sense. The times I run alone, I am strong, I am happy…  I am free. I have proven to myself that I have accomplished something I never thought I could do. Running has changed me. I started running during a period of my life that was incredibly painful – a period that still lingers – running has made me stronger not only physically, but mentally. Running has taught me discipline and determination. Running has freed me.

Today, I ran my first 5K. Next month, I’ll run another 5K and am in the process of training for a half marathon in April.

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{me & my friend C}