Moonshine & Wanderlust

... a cosmopolitan view from a southern perspective

Chasing Passion

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I will never forget the day someone I was very close to told me I didn’t have passion. After being friends for several years and all of the things we had gone through that was the one comment that stood out to me and something I have never forgotten. Now, this persons definition of passion and my definition of passion is polar opposite but even then I knew, in a way, they were right. I was just coasting along and there wasn’t really anything I was fiercely passionate about at the time. I hated apathy and complacency in other people but maybe I had some of my own, too.

When I was in Paris this year I had the opportunity to hear Christine Cain speak at Hillsong Paris. What an amazing experience. If you are not familiar with Christine check out more about her here. Ironically, her message was about passion. Specifically, how to stay passionate. I’m going to share my notes from the message with you below.

  1. Daily Intimacy – read, listen to podcasts. You do what you want to when you’re passionate. No one has to make you. You do it out of passion. Passion flows from daily intimacy.
  2. Passion Allows For Divine Interruptions – God wants to do more through our life but we don’t want to be interrupted. We say, “I’m busy – don’t interrupt me. I’m pursuing my purpose” to God. If you don’t allow margins for interruptions you lose your passion. Can He interrupt your plan with His purpose?
  3. Passions Allows for Divine Inconvenience – To us, it is too much trouble. Too much effort. “I don’t want to have to…” Passion flies on the wings of interruptions and inconvenience. Jesus isn’t interested in our inconvenience – He’s interested in our obedience.
  4. Passion Allows for Spontaneity – We put everything in a box. A God box, a work box. God messes up the boxes. The miracles are in the things that are not scheduled. Our lives are so tightly managed we have managed the Holy Spirit out of our lives. No margin for faith or risk. Our 3 year plan, our 5 year plan… Everything is fixed and God says “Why do you need me? Where is the risk?” Some of us are so safe in our boats we forget how to walk on water. Take risks. Have childlike faith. We’ve lost our passion because we’re cynics, we’re fatalists, we’re rationalists. We don’t want to be ruled by our emotions. We’ve rationalized God out of our equation. Our lives our so natural there’s no room for the supernatural. 

While the message was in specific relation to passion in our faith walks the message can be applicable to any part of our life. Our relationships, our jobs, our hobbies.

“You do what you want to when you’re passionate. No one has to make you. You do it out of passion.” When you are passionate for something you do whatever you can to pursue it, to chase it, to make it yours. This should be our hope for every area of our life. We should strive to be passionate people. Passionate for God, passionate for others, passionate for making a difference, passionate for our callings. Somewhere along the way many of us have lost our spark and found ourselves mindlessly wandering through life like a zombie. First of all, who would anyone ever want to be around you if this is the way you live your life and secondly, why would you want to continue to live out the rest of your days like this when there is a whole world ablaze with possibilities?

Maybe you don’t know what your passion is yet and that’s okay. It’s taken me a long time to not only feel comfortable in the things I consider my passions, but also to figure out exactly what those things are. Your passions are not the things people tell you they are – they are what you want more desperately than anything in this world. My hope would be our first passion would always be Jesus. Passion in your spiritual life lets in the light and shakes out the cobwebs from the dark spaces in our hearts.

Do you have to feel passionate every day? I’d love for you to find me someone who is. Passion, without fanning that flame – fades. We hear this most often about relationships. Passion fades, it’s true… but it is always there. It’s our job to poke at it, stir it, nurture it, fan it… in every area, if we are to remain passionate. It’s not easy. A fire doesn’t last without being tended to.

Today, chase passion. Remember what you are fighting for and give it everything you’ve got.

“The saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.” – Nicholas Sparks

You’re Not Good Enough

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Ever heard that before? Most of us have – whether it was an out-and-out “You’re not good enough” or in so many words. Have you ever believed those words? I have. Sometimes actions back up those words… Maybe the person who told you you weren’t good enough throws in some hurtful actions just to push the knife in harder that “you’re not good enough”. I don’t care how strong you are, hearing those words from someone you care about can put your self esteem through the shredder and spit it out in blood covered confetti.

Some people find themselves in cycles – constantly choosing to be around people who tell them they are not good enough. After awhile, it begins more and more difficult to shake it off and before you know it, you may find yourself believing you really aren’t good enough. I saw a quote on Pinterest today that made me so mad. It said: “I’m sincerely sorry I’m not good enough.” WHAT! Stop right there. No. The good Lord knows I have probably uttered these disgusting words myself, but that is the biggest bunch of crock you can let spew out of your mouth.

The truth is, you are good enough. I’m not going to sit here and tell you the person or people who have told you you’re not are bad people, because they’re not. But, they are not people that need to be in your life. Often times when people find dissatisfaction in someone else it stems from discontent within themselves. We all have, at some point or another, been that person. Learn your lesson the first time – when someone drops that ax on your head – RUN. Don’t go back for seconds or thirds or fourths. Stop dining at Golden Corral when you deserve Ruth’s Chris.

Own up to your mistakes. Own up to your faults. Make yourself a better person. Don’t settle for mediocre. Apologize when you have hurt someone or you are wrong, but do NOT apologize for not being good enough. That’s not on you, that’s on the person who told you that.  Don’t let someone telling you you’re not pretty enough, smart enough, or whatever else they throw at you, DISTRACT you from your goals. Have tunnel vision when it comes to these people and situations.

As tempting as it is, please don’t think trying to “change” for the sake of being “good enough” for one other person will ever work. I promise you it will not turn out how you want. You will just be hurt, again. It’s the same answer I give to people who ask me what has kept me motivated in my fitness journey. “I was tired of being mediocre. If I was doing it for anyone else, I would have stopped a long time ago. You have to do it for yourself! You have to want it!” You have to want to be better for you. You have to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. It’s cheesy, but it’s true.

Do. Not. Freaking. Settle. EVER. And, don’t let mean words hurt you! Scoop ’em up and toss ’em out the window and keep walkin’.

The Journey So Far

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YA’LL! We are over halfway through the year! Can you believe it? I certainly can’t. It really seems like yesterday it was January and cold and I was getting ready to turn THIRTY. And, life was like glittery diamonds and unicorns jumping rainbows.

If you’ve been following Moonshine & Wanderlust for any length of time you probably know A LOT has gone on this year. And, that wasn’t even everything! Thirty and 2015 has been a game changer for sure. I could never have expected this year to start, twist, wind, and end up the way it has as of today. I have never been happier in my entire life than I have this year. Man, that felt really good writing that. There have been really hard moments of course but God has ordered such steps of freedom and peace for me this year.

This is a special post, too, because it’s my 100th! I remember when I first started my blog… it was simply my name and the title was “A Journey” – I didn’t think anyone would read it but it was cathartic for me. And, then people did start reading it. And, then M&W was born at the end of last summer – I remember spending hours with my Dad working on the site, fine tuning it, taking pictures. Spending hours sitting in my then boyfriend’s living room in the sweltering heat of the little apartment tweaking little details. Being a writer was way different than I had imagined as a child and in college.

Writing hasn’t paid the bills for me, but it has given me a chance to fulfill my life long dream and purpose. I have had the opportunity to share personal details of my life in exchange for feeling like this is what I was always supposed to do – even if it’s not in the capacity I had imagined at one time. And, who knows what the future holds. What I do know is I am happy. More than content but at peace.

Just a year ago I was having serious feelings of being a flight risk. Like packing up the car and throwing the dog in the car and getting the heck out of dodge and never looking back. It’s not a good place to be – feeling like you’re walking a tightrope and you’re your own heavy gust of wind.

A lot has changed in six months. My whole life has changed. It’s hard to explain to people who don’t “get it” – very few do. It’s been a painful process of rebirth and it’s a daily choice. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It’s funny – when you change some people don’t let you forget who you were. They want to keep you in a little box – neat and tidy and stuffed full of all your grievances.

The past doesn’t allow room for growth. Only new beginnings, open doors, open minds, and grace allow us to molt our old skins and become closer to whole beings. Beings made in the image of God. Growth comes from being alone with yourself and finding out who you are. Who you really, really, really are. And, what you really, really, really want. And, what you’re willing to sacrifice and work for to become and to get. Most of us are too scared to get that real with ourselves.

The journey doesn’t end here… you see, it is only the beginning of something new and beautiful. It is the beginning of the rest of my (your?) life.

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PS: I want to give a really big shoutout to a few people who have consistently read along with me and have consistently lifted me up. I know I have consistent readers but when people give you feedback – it makes this all worthwhile.
My sweet Northern Mama, Carol, who has always treated me like another daughter and been so generous with her words of affirmation and encouragement. You are so special to me! I love you!
And, Charlie and Joanie, who I found out like to read my blog to their friends around the dinner table. You guys have blessed and encouraged me and have really helped make me feel like this is what I have always meant to do. Our recent conversation meant more to me than you know!

 until next time… xoxo, patty lauren

Into the Pit

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“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” Muhammad Ali

Normally I listen to music in the mornings while I’m getting ready – it gets me pumped up for the day and makes dancing around in the bathroom way more fun. This morning I got ready in the quiet and my mind was elsewhere – thinking about conversations, about goals, and about change. About painful change. About hurtful growth. Anything good does not come easy.

As I was thinking about all of these things I had this vision of a deep, dark, slimy, mud covered pit. Imagine yourself at the bottom of this pit and looking up toward the sky and at the edge of the pit is someone or something that keeps you in this dark pit. It could be a food addiction, a porn addiction, someone who betrayed you, someone who hurt you, fears of inadequacy, low self esteem – pick your opponent(s).

You have been trying for how long to climb out of this pit? Weeks? Months? Years? You find yourself climbing up to the top to get out, but your hands give out on the mud covered walls and you slip back down into the dark. You lie on your back and your opponent laughs at you. You have been defeated yet again. Worthless. Not good enough. You will never get out. Might as well give up trying, loser.

But, you want so desperately to get out of the pit. Maybe you think if you can come face to face with your opponent you can change the situation. You can bargain. I can behave better. I can be a good girl. I can put down that food that keeps me company. I can stop looking at photos that tear down not only myself but make women or men objects. I can repair this relationship. You long for reconciliation and repair in your life. So, you try again.

You climb harder this time. You get closer to the top. Your fingertips curl around the top of the ground and you start to lift yourself up. You turn to see how far you’ve come – you climbed so far! And, as you turn your face around toward the sun your opponent bends down toward you and takes their foot and kicks you as hard in the face as they can. Before you even know what is happening, you are flying backwards in the air – arms splayed and eyes full of fear until your back hits the bottom of the pit with a resounding crack and tears of defeat.

Some of us climb and climb and climb… and fall and fall and fall. We try tirelessly, beating ourselves up over shortcomings or words of hurt from the lips of people we love. We strive to fix things, we strive to get redemption. We all want to be redeemed. Redeemed from failures, redeemed from things we have been accused of, redeemed from addiction, redeemed from thoughts of self harm and feelings of worthlessness.

One day, you realize all that climbing, no matter how painful and how often you were defeated, has been strengthening you. You look down at your body and you are stronger. Your muscles are bigger, your hands grip stronger, the muscles in your legs are defined and hard. All that fighting – all that climbing – has made you a fighter.

So you make that last climb – you are mentally prepared, physically prepared, spiritually prepared – and as you reach the top and your opponent lifts their foot to kick you, you find yourself reaching up and as you propel yourself out of the pit you fling your opponent down into it.

You don’t stay to gloat. You don’t stay to say “I won!” You simply walk away. You have nothing left to prove. Nothing left to lose. You have become a warrior over your own demons. Warriors don’t look back – they fight, they defeat, and they move on to the next journey.

“I know what I’m capable of; I am a soldier now, a warrior. I am someone to fear, not hunt.”  The Rise of Nine

 

 

Little Victories

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This week was hard. Emotionally. Physically. I have been physically exhausted for almost two weeks… nothing has changed in my routine but I find days where I can barely keep my eyes open and my body is just plum drained (like that Southernism?) My chest has been tight and it’s almost like I can’t get a good breath. I don’t know what’s going on – we’ll blame it on a couple late nights and too much sun. That’s what summer is about, right? Right.

Thankfully, this weekend has been a much needed mix of productivity and relaxation. When my mind slows down too much I start thinking too much and that just leads to trouble. So, here I sit watching one of my all time favorite TV shows – the classic Charlie’s Angels (can we just have a moment of silence for how beautiful they all were? Hair envy, clothes envy… I was born in the wrong decade) – and finding renewal and hope in small victories.

It’s easy to get consumed with all of the things that could be better, are wrong, make us sad, make life difficult, etc. As humans we tend to be experts on zeroing in on the one or two things that aren’t going our way and forget about the dozens of things that are good. But, there is so much that IS good.

This week I did something I’ve never done before – I went to the gym alone. Let me clarify – I go to the gym plenty alone but it’s only to run on the treadmill or go to a class. I have never, ever gone alone to do any type of lifting or other activity. It used to terrify me to even think about it. Not many people know this about me but I really don’t like doing stuff by myself. It sounds stupid, I know. Especially living alone and being single. But, it’s not my first choice. I’d much rather have someone with me to go places or do things – even the mundane stuff like go to the grocery store. Obviously, I’ve learned to function and I do plenty of things alone. But, there are still areas where I cringe to think of flying solo and the gym has long been one of them.

So, Saturday morning I was the first one at the gym and I plugged away at my circuits and I even asked for help. Instead of not doing something or being scared to ask, I asked for help and I actually got some really helpful information. And, I killed my workout like a boss – gym creepers and all!

Sunday morning came and I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. I went to church alone. I couldn’t tell you the last time that happened. Was it scary? Yes. Did I survive and was it worth it? Yes. It was another little victory.

You may be reading this and have no problem going to the gym alone or going to church alone. But, maybe you struggle in other areas. Maybe you have a hard time speaking up, or saying no, or maybe you let other people make you feel guilty…

I’ve been reading a book the past week – Stronger Than You Think: Becoming Whole Without Having to be Perfect – and there is so much I want to share with you about it but one of the resonating themes is being our whole, authentic selves. And, when we let pesky things like fear creep into our lives and restrict us we are not being our whole God made beings. It’s not just a disservice to ourselves but those around us. We are not being entirely authentic. I hope my readers feel I am authentic with them. I feel so much encouragement from your words – you help me be a better person.

As we go through the motions of our week it is easy to become stuck in a rut and focus on the things that make our lives even more mundane or difficult. But, what if we chose something each week to conquer – even if it something small? We come closer to being whole. We focus on becoming better, striving harder to become closer to who we are authentically. We come closer to achieving our goals and following our passions.

If you find yourself having a hard day don’t let it get you down. Try to focus on the good you have in your life – the blessings you have, the love you have, the friends you have. Focus on looking outward – to helping others around you. Giving them encouragement or helping pick them up when they are down. And, don’t let small victories in your life go unnoticed. Celebrate them. Be proud of them – for they are what make you strong.

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