Sometimes I miss you
I try not to think about you but then
I hear a song on the radio and remember you telling me the story behind it
And my brain won’t shut off. My eyelids cease to be heavy. Instead my heart is heavy.
I can’t tell you I miss you. Or, I love you. Or, I’m sorry.
You’re not a phone call away anymore.
I missed my chance.
I let little grievances that in the grand scheme of things don’t seem so grand anymore dictate my feelings. I let my hurt chop down the sprouts of forgiveness or hope that tried to bloom in my heart.
Maybe I could have given you the hope you needed. To know no matter what you were still loved. And, cared about. That you had gifts and so much to give. If you only would have.
I should have forgiven. I should have put aside my pride and told you I still loved you when I had the chance. When life hadn’t yet turned to ashes and I could still put it back together. I could have put it back together.
“You’ll regret it one day.”
“Don’t be so bitter.”
“You should forgive.”
“One day it’ll be too late.”
I missed my chance.
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