The Graceful Exit

amazingly, thankfully, and gracefully this will be my last post of 2014. I am leaving town to welcome in the New Year in another place. I think that’s exciting – to leave the past where it belongs, where perhaps most of it took place and to start a brand new year in place that is not reminiscent of your past. I will no longer be tied to 2014.

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I’m going to say the thing you’re really not supposed to say if you’re being “cheerful” about new beginnings- I am so GLAD this year is about to be over. This year had beautiful moments full of love and happiness, but a good portion of this year at many times throughout it were hard, hurtful, and heavy.

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Will 2015 be easy? I doubt it. Will it have hard and heavy moments? Assuredly. So, what will make a new year different than the last? The fact that some of these hardships were brought on by myself. There were lessons I learned in 2013 that I didn’t learn well enough, so I have had to go through them again. There were signs I should have seen in 2013 that I should have paid attention to, but I didn’t, so I followed the wrong road again.

See, we always have a choice – to follow the way we know is right (which isn’t easy at first, but leads to much greater things) – or, to follow the way we are determined to follow because it’s what we “want” and is easier, but inevitably leads to pain and heartache.

Ask my mother a few words that describe me and I guarantee one of them will be stubborn. I’ve always been stubborn and I probably always will be. While 2014 brought a lot of stubbornness to do what I wanted, I am determined for 2015 to be a year of stubbornness for what is right. For what I deserve. For what others around me deserve. Stubbornness to be more spiritual, to be healthier – stubbornness to not allow anything or anyone to deceive me.

I am sure I will be sharing thoughts in this new year that deal with old demons. Leaving 2014 behind unfortunately does not mean that all of the wounds are healed. But, I am looking forward to leaving the tools of hurt in 2014.

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For all of the pain that 2014 brought, I am so thankful for all of the beauty it brought. I started Moonshine & Wanderlust, I kept my promise to myself to travel more, I made amends and repaired broken relationships, I did many new things and stepped out of my comfort zone, I made new friendships… I lived. 

So, for 2015… and the big 3-0, I wish for deeper living. Exciting risks. Amazing love. I hope each day is a deep, full breath of life.

For all of us.

~

“But there was a fire waiting. And there was a little meal laid out on a blanket. And there was a whole world beyond that shoreline, beyond the forest, beyond the knuckle mountains, beyond, beyond, beyond, not beneath the surface at all, but beyond and waiting.” Emily Danforth