At some point in our lives, we all have come down with a bad case of the buts. For some of us it’s an acute case and for others it seems to be a chronic illness. The buts usually start off innocently enough – they interrupt a planned workout or interfere with a healthy food choice or excuse unkind words or behavior toward a friend.

“I was going to workout today, but I’ve had a long day and I’m tired…”

“I really should eat a salad for lunch today, but everyone else is eating (fill in the blank)…”

“I shouldn’t have said/done what I did, but he/she deserved it…”

One day of buts turns into a few days of buts and the next thing you know every productive decision is interrupted with a but. Progress doesn’t fall apart after a few days – it falls apart gradually as we continue to make excuses and allow interruptions in our life.

The buts often fool us into thinking they are plausible reasons for putting important things on a backburner. We’re all tired. We all have demanding tasks that ask a lot of us every day – whether it be a job, our families, our money situations. One of my favorite quotes is: “None of us are too busy. Life is all about priorities.” If it’s important, you will make a way to fit it in, I promise you. The question is, how important is your health and equally, your happiness? Are your buts more important than being healthy, confident, and secure in yourself?

We are often patted on the back after a case of the buts. We are a culture that tends to make each other feel good for being apathetic. Are you surrounded by people who let your buts becoming burdens? It’s important to have the accountability of at least one person in your life who will challenge your buts and make you evaluate the severity of your excuse.

The next time you are tempted to use a case of the buts to make an excuse not to go to the gym, think about the fact that there are 24 hours in a day. What could you cut out to fit in your workout? Watching that TV show for an hour every Thursday night? Surfing Instagram? Eating because you’re ‘bored’? Life is about sacrifice and maybe for awhile you will have to sacrifice something you enjoy, but nothing compares to being healthy, becoming fit, and staying happy.

“I attribute my success to this – I never gave or took any
excuse.”
― Florence Nightingale

A couple of my girlfriends and I have this saying… “What is life?” that we have been obnoxiously over using with each other in the most beautiful way the past several weeks. Sometimes I feel like I am standing on the side of a fast moving train and watching car after car fly by and it’s full of jewels and gold. Is this real life? When is the crash coming? (that’s my INTJ part kicking in – ever the logical thinker).

My year has been well documented for my readers. The ups, the downs, the real downs… you get my drift. I find myself right now in a season of bliss. Yet, I am keenly aware that any of this could be snatched away from me at any time. What’s good can be gone tomorrow. What’s whole can be broken in one decision. It’s my responsibility to myself and to everyone else in my life to keep myself together no matter what happens. Because, life is always good… it may not always be perfect, things may not always be going our way, but if we just look outside our own circumstances we see that the sun rises new every morning and regardless of our current situations… life. is. good.  I learned a lot about life this year and what I know is that no matter how perfect or good life is going… it can be snuffed out in a heartbeat.

So, what does that mean? Well, some of us have lived with these thoughts before and handled them with a sense of fear and insecurity and anxiousness. Fear. Fear ruled us. But, no more. When you cast fear out from your life, when you refuse to settle for anything less than the best… magical things can happen. There have been so many times in my life where I have been grappling, struggling, and running around a circular room beating on every door I could find hoping God would just open one up and things would feel “right”. It’s when I finally gave up trying to figure my own life out that God didn’t just open one door… He opened many of them. Boom! Boom! Boom! – they have been flying open.

What are we capable of when we are fearless? We are capable of great love, amazing opportunity, insurmountable forgiveness, reconciliation, selflessness. We are stripped of the insecurities our pasts no matter how difficult some of our stories may be. We no longer feel the need to look to our past for comfort but find comfort in the hope of a new future. Comfort in the promise of His goodness to us when we empty our hands of want, jealousy, selfishness, hate, and confusion. Our hands are left to be filled with grace, love, and opportunity to take our past stories to propel those around us into similar fates. The fate of new lives.

If someone had told me 8 months ago what my life would be look like right now I would never have believed them. I had to go through every single moment to get to where I am now or I would never be here. That makes every struggle worth it. I wouldn’t take one thing back because this life really feels like my life – for the first time ever.

I keep seeing this meme: “Don’t skip the struggle.” And, don’t. If you’re struggling, don’t sit there and take it – keep going. Wallow through the mud, swim the muck, fight the good fight. The results will come. The changes will happen. It’ll be hard at times – very hard. So hard you’ll want to give up and snap back into your old habits. But, you don’t quit. You won’t quit.

The seasons are changing. Life is about to get crazy amazing if you just let it happen. Have faith. Don’t give up. Ever. And, never, ever, ever settle.

Definition of BITTERSWEET

I could see my reflection in the bathroom window… dancing in the hallway, hair flying around, flickering candles and three blurs behind me. Time seemed to slow down for a few minutes. In the midst of silly dance moves and a lot of laughter I surveyed the scene. The coffee table had been moved out of the way from dancing legs, a mirror had been taken off the wall, the ottoman had been pushed to the other side of the room.

The room was a mess no doubt but it was filled with dancing and laughter – lots of laughter – with women who were just grown up girls, who had deep running trenches of life that had been lived, who were figuring out what the present meant to them after broken promises, broken hearts, and broken dreams, who were determined to grab life by the throat and get every last ounce of adventure out of it. Who had fallen apart and come back together. Who had seen their share of war stories, had been there to together to stumble through the mess.

For five years my home has been privy to a lot of life. Life lived by myself, life lived by other people. Love, laughter, tears – my home has been full. There have been dark moments lived by me in that apartment that living alone felt like banging in my ears. I feel like I have been given such a gift this year. While there are still days I struggle with my own demons and moments where I feel utterly confused it is nothing compared to the Patty of the past. This year I have been able to shed old skin, step into a new life, and have found myself being able to be there for other people in ways I never would I have imagined.

I have been able to be the shoulder to cry on, to have my doors open for someone who needs to chat, the person who gets to pray for someone else… I have responsibilities now. Not just to myself but to my friends. To the people in my life that I am close to. It has given me purpose and strength. I learned how to be strong on my own and now I can be strong for someone else. I can relate to the broken hearts and the demonizing issues we often face as young women. It has caused me to be more thoughtful about my own life decisions, my daily choices, and the way I lead my life. We all want to have purpose and to feel needed and I feel like I have been given that gift this year.

I remember several months ago when I was in a place of serious emotional turmoil I was talking with someone very close to me who said I was going through that period in my life to be used to help other people. The conversation ran deeper than that, but I will never forget it. In those moments when you feel utterly ripped to shreds it’s really difficult to see down the road. How could I ever help someone else? But, now I see.

This year I have grown closer that I could have imagined to friends that I have had in my life but we never have been able to come together and really connect like we have this year. I have made new friends who seem like old friends and I have no doubt will be in my life for a long time. By embracing my true self, by wading through so much internal junk, and by watching the strength of others around me I have been able to turn myself completely outward and be the best friend I’ve ever been in my life.

I’ve been fortunate to have a lot of people come to me and share with me their stories or how I may have encouraged them, but you may never realize the depths of your influence on others around you. Your story – your life, your influence, your choices… You have no idea who is really watching you. Who is encouraged by your strength even in moments when you feel weak.

You never know who, because of you, decided to change something about their life. Maybe it’s physical or maybe it’s emotional. Maybe they decided to walk away from an abusive relationship or they decided to stop partying or they decided to go to church. Our impact on those around us is great. I think back to the people who have influenced me – and some have no idea and will never know the depths of their influence – and I know it was because of them that I was able to push through on hard days.

Even now when I receive a note or a text message from someone who is telling me I’m inspirational they have no idea how that gives me strength to keep going. It simply affirms I am doing what I was meant to do. Their stories give me hope that we all can change if we try. That we are not doomed to an unfulfilling life. That all it really takes is to wake up one morning and say, “Today is the day I am going to change.” And, then do it. Every day. Every choice.

And, remember one day you will be that person that people will say about, “You influenced my life.” Your decision to change. Your strength to never give up. One day you will have gone through the metamorphosis and you will be flying and you will look around you and see the cocoons of your influence. Because, it won’t just be about you anymore. It will be about strangers, about your family, about your friends, about your children. All because you made a decision and never gave up.

—

“When you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.” – Norman Vincent Peale